Against Doctor's advice
by Miggyrow
Summary: In which Meredith makes a disturbing discovery, in which Derek's will is opened and chaos ensued, in which someone is in dire need of medical attention, in which Alex and Jo are surprisingly still a thing, in which Maggie is asked out in the most awkward circumstances, in which Amelia and Owen decide to take the next step together, in which Christina has two lovers.
1. The doctor's good words

**AUTHOR'S NOTE ( UPDATED 05/16/2016) :** ALT SEASON / PART 2/ ENSEMBLE FIC/ MULTI-CHARACTER CENTRIC / OCs /DRAMA/ LOVE/ ANGST . **Summary** : Set in an alternate _S_ 12 where Derek is dead in my universe and Meredith is still struggling with life without him. For more info, go to my profile.

* * *

 **Against Doctor's advice**

 _Part 2_

* * *

 _Character/Cast used in this story_

 _(I will update this list as it goes)_

 _Dr Meredith Grey Shepherd – Ellen Pompeo_

 _Dr Cristina Yang- Sandra Oh_

 _Dr Alex Karev- Justin Chambers_

 _ _Dr Maggie Pierce- Kelly McCreary__

 _ _Dr Warren Fresker- Raul Esparzà__

 _Dr Vika Gucic- Noomi Rapace_

 _Dr Kyle Yeahquo - Daniel Henney_

 _Dyshiki Lloyd "Paul" Fresker- Gerard Butler_

 _Brandt Henley- Josh Lucas_

 _Carolyn Shepherd - Tyne Daly_

 _Dr Amelia Shepherd - Caterina Scorsone_

 _Dr Kathleen Shepherd - Jody Lyn o' Keefe_

 _Dr Liz Shepherd - Neve Campbell_

 _Dr Nancy Shepherd-_ _Embeth Davidtz_

* * *

-1 -

The doctor's good words

 **Slut Like You - Pink**

Meredith looked as the rain wash away the dust on the giant bay windows. She had a dizzying view of the Seattle Skyscrapers in front of her. It was the same room she shared with a perfect stranger three months earlier. The same bathtub she sat on the edge of, wrapped in a plush white bathrobe, thinking that happiness should have been simple a goal. At least, three months earlier, getting off had been easy enough. She looked up at the water slowly running through the drain in the tub. It was a slow and sinuous stream sliding against the bathtub enamel. It was a beautiful sight. It was a peaceful sight. Life was a bit like that drain; it was a tremendous sinkhole of shit and misery, just a beautiful one.

Meredith had no idea how this started... How this thing became her thing after all. One day, she was a sad, lonely widow, the next she was sloppily kissing that guy in this very room without any shame and mainly without any common sense. If one asked, he was gone. Just like she predicted and hoped for, he disappeared looking distractedly like the memory of a mirage. Sure, she remembered everything he did to her… Everything they did to each other. The sex, the teasing, the frightening intimacy, sometimes in strange order, sometimes in the wrong order, but still she remembered it all. It felt like a distinctly safe memory. Something, she could keep with her. Something she could get back to when her new partner had been boring and clumsy... like...now... So what happened in these past few months? Nothing much... and probably everything... There was no manual or book that taught you how to get over losing the love of your life... So Meredith simply decided that she needed to take it a step at a time. To this day, it was just pure improvisation on her part. She took the call as soon as the familiar ringtone fill the room. Pink laughed and the first notes of "Slut like you" broke the peace. Meredith smiled with relief as she swiped the screen of her smartphone to take the call. Cristina on the other end of the line sounded just as cheerful and crazy as always.

"Hey, are you okay? You left a pretty desperate voicemail earlier. I almost burn a red light on my way home. Just one question, do I have to take a flight? I need to refill my subscription of antidepressants."

"No, everybody's okay. The children are okay."

"Did they find her?"

"No...I'm just... I don't know. Not that i know, he didn't call. I just need to talk."

"Ok. I thought somebody had died but this... this can work too." Cristina said with a snort.

"This is amusing to you."

"Of course it is. Everything is funny to me past midnight. You should know that."

"Who was it this time?"

"Egotistical bastard... and then we watched TV and ate some ice creams... Oh wait! That's in the wrong order. We were pretty reasonable."

"I like Bambi better. He sounded sweet that time he answered your phone."

"He was on call. What a girl to do when she's got an itch to scratch? Bambi is fine. But there's only one of him."

"Did you even listen to my message?"

"Yes. It seemed tragic. The death of your bubble kind of tragic I think."

"So?"

"I don't know. I just got home. It's 4 in the morning. I have two hours sleep left. Help me, Mer!"

"It's kind of an emergency! I need you to tell me i'm not overreacting."

"So... How did it happen? The whole thing?"

"You want to know how?"

"It's important. At least, give me a setting and a bit of background please. It wasn't quite clear on the voicemail."

"So, I was hanging out the other night with Alex, Callie and Maggie. It got out of hand pretty quickly. Me and Maggie started going at it a bit..."

"Stop there! Rewind! No! It's impossible! You too got into it?! Since when Magical sister can scream?! No way!"

"Well, we were just politely exchanging points of view if you prefer. It was not a total screaming match. I only have those with Amelia."

"Bitchy sister's privileges, right!"

"Exactly."

"We still don't like her, right?"

"She wants to steal my house."

"I recall she wanted to buy it."

"She's screwing your husband."

"Ex..."

"They're living together in a trailer."

"You can be pretty hardcore when you want to. Okay, I hate Amelia's guts with all the strength of my missing soul! Back to Magical Maggie, what were you arguing over?"

"The roof... It's leaking."

"Oh ! It's... well... terrible."

"Truly, I mean upstairs is flooded each time it rains. It rains a lot here."

"So, she didn't agree to the repair."

"No, we were very much on the same page. We had a contractor over last friday."

"Great... Can I go to sleep now?"

"Cristina..."

"Sorry! So the contractor, what did he say?"

"He has to replace the entire roof."

"Oh! That's convenient. So you argued over the price..."

"We argued over who would pay? Alex was there! He could tell you!"

"Did he argued too?"

"Oh no! He is drowning currently under his own debts. His young girlfriend is high-maintenance. Please don't tell him I said that."

"I will tell him you said that first occasion I get. I thought they were doing okay at Magic Maggie's pad living the sweet honeymoon life on fifth street avenue."

"It is sweet I guess. He seems happy sometimes but I know something is bothering him. Maybe it has nothing to do with Jo... I just don't like the girl."

"You don't like a lot of people these days!"

"I know! Why does he have to date her? He doesn't tell me anything about it. He is being pretty secretive and all. He is all stoic like he is a grownup now and better than me. I'm jealous. I hate it. I know something is wrong! Maybe it's about Izzie's bills. At some point, I know he was down to two hundreds thousand dollars in medical bills."

"That bitch!"

"Cristina!"

"Okay! Okay! We still hold a decent amount of love for that girl but damn she's cruel!"

"I know... She is... I don't know what to say to him."

"Don't say anything... So who argued with who?"

"I argued. It's my house. I should be paying for the repair. Only, I needed more time to organize my finances... just a couple of weeks delay... I have the opening of the will planned after all... It will be complicated enough already. By the way, i think this is all pretty standard for a big expense like that, you tell me. But Maggie was not having any of it. She said we needed to get the contractor ASAP and will give him an advance. She also had a few things she wanted to add to the house as well. She wanted a larger window in her bedroom for example. According to her, he might as well start tomorrow. For short, she wanted to run the whole thing."

"That pissed you off?"

"No, she made pretty good sensible suggestions."

"So, what happened, girl? We're on a timeline here!"

"Cristina, she wanted to pay for my house!"

"And that should bother you why? Technically, it's still Alex's house, buyers' warranty and all. And by the looks of it, he was not bothered? Why should you?"

"It's my house. It's always been my house!"

"And that's her biological mother's old house! If she wants to invest, let her! That's her sisterly thing to do! I bet!"

"But she is my little sister... I said I'd take care of her! Why does she need to meddle?"

"She's a grown ass woman. Two years ago, she was a total stranger. Let her meddle, I say, that's called being a good person."

"You don't get it."

"Of course, I don't. It's four o'clock in the morning."

"You call me back!"

"You said it was an emergency."

"Okay, but that's not the worst part."

"What was so tragic dear at last?"

"She said it's no problem. Matter-of-fact, she made one point seven million a year. She could afford it. "

"So?!"

"She makes more than me!"

"Oh! Oh!"

Cristina remained silent.

"Cristina..."

"Oh and what did Alex said?"

"He only shrugged."

"Oh! He took it pretty well."

"He is making eight hundreds but well he seemed unfazed. Giving it more thoughts, money shouldn't be what's bothering him! "

"Cool!"

"I make less than them, Cristina? Both of them! It's ridiculous!"

"Oh no!"

"Yes! I was speechless!"

"Even as the chief of general... I thought you took over for Miranda."

"Exactly..."

"I don't know what to say. But that's not important to you, right?"

Meredith frowned.

"What do you mean that's not important? I just discovered I made way less than anybody else. You don't find anything wrong with this, Cristina ? You're a woman just like me."

" I'm no ordinary woman, lady. I'm paid... like they said. I'm getting Mayweather's kind of papers."

"What?"

"I mean. I make much more."

"Ok... I understand... Like right now... You're the chief of surgery over there after all."

" No, no... I always made much more... Even as an attending..."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, Mer."

"I mean how much more."

"Way way way ... and five exclamation points more!"

"You're kidding me?"

"Nope!"

"I probably own this hospital with all my shares..."

"No kidding you do and still you didn't know that... That's quite sad!"

"Everybody is making more than me..."

"Yes, sweetheart probably..."

"That's so unfair!"

"Again...probably! Sorry..."

There was a loud knock on the door, interrupting their chatter.

"Mandy? Melissa? Whatever your name is! It's Will from earlier. Sorry! I think I forgot something!"

Meredith frowned. What could he have possibly forgotten? His pants... His brain... His sense of worth... Meredith looked around her. Her clothes were on a chair; her bag slumped at the end of the bed. She couldn't spot anything unfamiliar. What if he was crazy and dangerous? What if she let him in and he strangled her?

"Who's that?" Cristina asked, whispering. It felt like she was just behind her in the room. That gave Meredith a bit more courage and she opened the door briskly. She may have exaggerated a bit, saying that after the Warren episode nothing happened. Well, plenty things happened. Plenty young thing like Will happened. He smiled goofily at her. Meredith frowned even more. What possessed her really with this one?

"Mer, should I call the cops?" Cristina asked.

Well, Will was pretty nerdy-looking with his glasses. Meredith knew that under his green sweater his muscles were taut and his body lean. Still, it never looked that intimidating to her. There was nothing memorable about his face except his eyes were warm and mischievous, and his lips were full and greedy.

"It's okay... He is leaving. I mean he is already outside. "

She stepped back a little, holding the door open.

"Hi! The name is Meredith... As you can see, I was on the phone. I thought you left already."

His smile vanished as confusion spread on his young features.

"Sorry, Mer...Meredith... Huh... I think I left my watch earlier on the side table. Did you happened to..."

Meredith stepped away from the door abruptly.

"Go, fetch, and leave me alone!"

Will picked up his watch and hesitated on the threshold on his way out.

"Should we exchange numbers while we're here?"

"No!"

Meredith retorted as she closed the door on his face.

"Who was that?"

"A guy with a watch. I don't know. I'm in a freaking bad mood. I should go home now. Wendy is waiting for me. It's almost nine p.m."

"You did it again."

"I did what?"

"You picked up someone in a bar."

" Technically, it was at a museum late in the afternoon. I was picking up a puzzle for Zola after work. See, this can't count as a slut pick-up! I was being a caring mother!"

"Caring mothers don't just pick up random people in strange places."

"Nonsense, they do all the time and you will be glad to know that we had coffee at his manga dealer. He is an aspiring visual designer or something. He draw some kind of superhero on a napkin in less than five minutes. I will give it to Bailey."

" Great, a teenager!"

"He is over 21. He can drink."

"You said you had coffee!"

"Irish coffee!"

"Meredith!"

"It was just fun. At least at some point..."

"You said you won't do that anymore. I'm seriously worried. With your luck, Meredith Grey, you will pick up a serial killer named Frankie, who will lure you to his van, kidnap you, torture you in his cave while his sister wife is breastfeeding their incestuous baby and the BAU will not find you in time... and well... I will have to share custody with Alex but he won't be willing to move from Seattle. Someone in Hollywood will make a romantic comedy out of this. I will think of suicide then."

"I don't need to ask what was on TV tonight, right?"

" You need to find a few regulars like me."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I make way less than you... that's why!"

"You're such a hypocrite. You don't really care about these things, Meredith Grey."

"What do you mean?"

"You're not a money person. You're scared of it. You've always been skittish about money."

"That's not true. I have ambitions about myself like everybody else. I like to buy things... expensive things that cost money."

"Your mom was wealthy and you couldn't talk about it."

"Just upper-middle class... I can't complain. But there's no story to tell really... We lived a rather ordinary life."

"Your late husband..."

"Derek..."

"...Was one of the best paid surgeons in the country. You can't even open his will in fear you will realize how rich you are."

"This is ridiculous. It has nothing to do with... that... Well, I'm not skittish about money. I choose not to talk about it, that's all. That doesn't mean I don't know my worth."

"You're so boogie sometimes. I bet you never read the hospital's numbers, you know the little brochures they give you at the end of the year for being a good little board member."

"..."

"I'm just saying they probably thought that you were so rich, so unconcerned. They could get you for free... but they didn't want to make it too obvious, so they still gave you pocket money. I think that's what I would do...if I was the chief I mean."

"Cristina!"

"I'm being your person here. I could be your money person if you want. I'm good with money."

"I can't believe you..."

"You think it's an obscene word...Money, money, money, Money...money!"

Cristina started to laugh hysterically.

"Cristina...stop! It's not funny!"

"I love the word money... It's so catchy!"

" Cristina, your stepfather is a dentist in Beverly Hills. You went to the best schools. Of course, you grow into money. So you have no problem with it. I'm still paying Med School, you know."

"Don't say it aloud! About Saul! I'm so ashamed. He is not even a real doctor!"

Meredith laughed.

"You're laughing! Wow! Look, Meredith! I'm not like you. I enjoy being rich. I'm not afraid to state my price. I don't come cheap baby. I enjoy talking about my success and...I negotiate each of my contracts with my lawyers and my financial advisor in L.A. His name is Bill. I'm not even joking."

" You do?"

"Yes. You don't?"

"Well..."

"Meredith, you're a miracle child! Do you know that?"

"That doesn't sound good..."

"It's because it's not, honey. Magic Maggie is more awesome than you are right now! You let it happen! How could you?"

"I don't know ! Why is it so complicated? Why is there so much papers to fill out? I try putting things in order. But I have loans and the kid's tuitions and more loans. It's crazy. What if I can't... I can't seem to grasp these things. It's depressing how much money I spent just paying taxes. It's scary. It's just like Derek's papers and the opening of the will! His mom and his sisters will be there, Cristina. For some reasons, they hate me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Derek used to deal with all this. The house... The contractors... He made it happen. He was a wonderful husband. I'm useless with all these stuffs. Everything is so complicated now that he is gone! Why do I have to sit through it and negotiate things? Money is not everything in the world. I believe in what I do! In being a good doctor! "

"See, that's why they don't pay you. You can work for free. What are we complaining about then?"

"Don't tell me you do this job for the money!"

"Sorry to burst your bubble! I do this job for the money, the awards; the fame, the glory, to sit on the throne, winter is coming, and last but not least for the boys. You get to screw a lot as a bonus. Remember our wild years. Oops, we are still pretty wild, baby!"

"I should talk to Miranda. I know that but... "

"Yup."

"What if she says no..."

"Then you quit..."

"I don't wanna quit..."

Cristina yawned.

"I don't wanna be a pretty unicorn but well it's four o'clock in the morning... I can see a rainbow.

"Can't talk to her tomorrow anyway... "

"Why?"

"I took a day off."

"Why?"

"I just told you I'm opening Derek's will."

"For real this time?"

"For real!"

"Yay ! Mer, way to go! Catch the bull by its horns! You rock! "

"Cristina..."

"I'm here. I won't leave. You're not on your own."

" It's so scary. Being without him. Taking care of the kids. All of it scares me... What if I can't manage these stuffs... What if I screw IRS by mistake? I'm ruined and I bring down the kids with me. It was my mom, then Derek..."

"That's not true. Your mother was Alzheimer and you managed her estate. Derek knew he could always count on you even when he couldn't do surgery. You're underestimating yourself like always but I do know your worth. You're damn first-rate in my eyes, Meredith Grey."

"Oh ! I love you. I wish I could marry you and be done with it. You'll make a mighty fine husband for someone one day."

"I know. You're a sucker Meredith Grey."

"You know what? I'm going home."

"I'm going to bed."

"Slut..."

"Right there with you, my friend. Right there with you."


	2. The Meredith Club

A/N: Guys, thanks for your comments. It's really nice to see familiar reviewers keeping up with the story. And obviously, I don't mind newcomers at all. I just hope you will enjoy the second part with me. **To Beth** , I admit that you guys' reactions can probably sway me in some unexpected directions. It can make me reevaluate a relationship for example. I'm thinking about Bailey and Ben's involvement in part 1 which was a relationship I had previously planned to overlook if it was not for a reader pointing out how I may have misjudged the positive impact they had on the show. So, yes, I listen to what all of you guys have to say. But ultimately, I'm the Boss and the God of this alternate universe. I don't take requests. I always write what I want to read. And I know that with Meredith I strayed from the stance taken by the show, which sees Meredith as an asexual creature, the perfect heartbroken widow, wised-up by the years, who don't need anything but her children and her work after she lost the love of her life. It's a point of view, believe me, I respect a lot. Indeed a lot of women can't find it in them to move on after experiencing such a loss. They don't get the desire to etc. It's perfectly understandable. It's also a romantic idea. But the thing I appreciate more with Grey's anatomy at its beginning was when it kept pushing the boundaries of what we thought was acceptable and reasonable. So we will just see how it goes...

-2-

The Meredith club

It was still warm outside though the summer was just starting. At least, it was the Seattle version of a heat wave compelling its inhabitants to drop their leather jackets for a baseball tee-shirt or red square flannel. Paradoxically, it had been raining more during these past few weeks than during the entire winter and the scent of clean-cut grass was strong in the air. Alex was wearing one of those loose t-shirt and a baseball cap when he arrived to the Grey House just after nightfall. He still had the keys to the house but after a strange encounter with Maggie's flimsiest lingerie on a Sunday morning two weeks ago, where one of her breast made a special guest appearance, he was determined to use a more conventional method to get in and just knock on that door. Strange someone might ask knowing the house etiquette in terms of boundaries, more precisely the aforementioned lack of etiquette on the subject. Maggie saw him naked. He saw her naked or at least partially naked. It was no big deal for him but Jo had made it pretty clear last time that she wasn't exactly seeing things this way. And well, it wasn't because they were back to the good days that Alex wasn't taking any precaution. If anything their fight last spring had been a wake-up call, telling him that this thing they had could break anytime for more or less silly reasons. Let's just say, he didn't want her to misinterpret his relationship with Meredith's sister again.

Leaning on the wall, he knocked twice before he heard movements inside. It didn't take long for Maggie to open the door in a purple tank top and silk pajamas. Not a nipple in view, the coast was clear. He almost sighed in relief. However instead of the friendly smile, Alex was expecting, Maggie stood there with her best angry Donald Trump imitation. Did he knock at the wrong door? Who was that woman? What did they do with Beastie Pierce? Alex looked around him half-amused. However it really occurred to him that something was wrong when she greeted him with a cold "Oh it's you!" barely hiding her disappointment.

"You were expecting someone else maybe?"

A boyfriend, he wanted to ask. But he had a feeling she wouldn't get the joke.

"No, I thought it could be Meredith." She answered enigmatically.

Magic Maggie, like Cristina had nicknamed her, was a ray of sunshine and a fresh bowl of sickeningly concentrated love when she was happy. However when she was pissed, for whatever reasons, like an epic Death Star, she was an active black hole of misery and gloom, swallowing everyone on its path. It was impossible to miss her mood shifts. It was one of the reasons why Alex find her so reliable. She did not have a poker face. She did not have a hidden agenda.

Alex shrugged .

"I take it she is not home! I didn't see her car parked in the alley anyway."

"I thought you would be home with Jo." She replied curtly.

There was a question in that statement he was sure of it. But after the evening he just had babysitting Jackson, he really didn't feel like elaborating. He noticed distractedly that she smelled like vanilla and pineapple. She was also wearing her hair in a messy bun something she only did when she could not be bothered. Maybe after all, he should give some kind of explanation for his presence.

"I was hanging out with Jackson. I just came by to see how you guys are doing."

She shrugged giving just the hint of a subtle glare.

"Like I said, Meredith is not here."

"I don't happen to be blind. "

"I mean I guess you will have to come back later."

Alex frowned. Was she going to shut that door on his face? She wouldn't dare, right? Maggie looked positively aggravated, her hand playing nervously with the hem of her tank top which was rolling up above her belly button. She sighed.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing."

He pushed himself in the entrance, feeling his temper was starting to rise too.

"Will you let me in or not?"

She reluctantly stepped away from the doorway.

"I just tucked the children in with Wendy's help. Now Wendy is gone... and I swear if you wake them up, I will have to kill you, Alex Karev."

"Are you mad at me or something?"

"Nope, why would I be mad?"

As if she remembered that her mom raised her to be the perfect cheerleader, she forced a polite smile on her face but she could hardly deceive him. It was true she had been rather distant lately at work. But with Arizona's sudden departure in Angola a couple weeks ago, he had been swamped with work to the point he was only seeing the light of day now and it barely register in his radar that she was probably ignoring him on purpose. He should have come with a box of donuts.

"I have no idea. You've been this way since that night at Joe. I would ask if it is that time of the month but..."

She smiled again. That was a dangerous smile. Alex paused cautiously behind her.

"But you don't want to be murdered..."

"Something like that... I guess..."

"Alex, I had a long day."

"Welcome to the club."

"No, we're not..."

"What?"

"We're not in the same club. You're in Meredith's club. It's best to not forget that."

"What? What did you just say?"

She left the spot to go into the living-room and he followed her there.

"Nothing!"

"Doesn't seem like nothing! Seems like... a whole lot of nonsense to me! What's wrong with you?" He growled back.

"What did I just say about the kids? Zip it! Now! I was just about to grab a book, a glass of wine and go to bed... That's all!"

"Maggie... I don't know why you're mad but I'm willing to talk. I'm not willing often. So talk. Now. " He retorted.

"You're willing to talk? That's wonderful since Meredith didn't say a word to me since the other night... At least a word that matters... I sure need someone to talk. Oh wait a minute! I can't talk to you about Meredith since you're Meredith's friend, her best friend. "

"Between you and Jackson these days, I swear... It's like your goal is to drain me dry."

She hesitated.

"Jackson? Is he okay?"

Alex's expression darkened.

"Like I said, I just left his place. No, he is not okay. What do you think? His wife is gone. He is not okay at all. And guess what? I do know the feeling... since my wife left me too if you remember. "

Maggie hesitated again. And Alex saw the moment anger deserted her and her mood shifted to pure concern. Poor Maggie, she was so predictable.

"Oh Alex! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean..."

 _What did he just say? That was Maggie Pierce for you._

"Now that you're getting back to being all compassionate and understanding again, can we go back to this thing with Meredith? I don't even know how I got involved but..."

He said leaning on the mantle of the chimney.

"You're a dick. I thought you were really depressed."

"How could I be depressed when you guys are PMS'ing all over this place over some stupid financial arrangement? Thanks to all of you guys I don't have time to be depressed!"

Alex spread his arms to further emphasize his point and crossed the living room to go in the kitchen.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Not really listening to her, Alex made a beeline for the fridge. Thanks to Maggie, it was always perfectly organized with plastic boxes of dishes ready to be warm-up and vegetables and fruits in the bottom, fresh eggs and bacon on the third shelf, freshly-brewed orange juice and milk on the door. She was such a maniac.

"I'm just going to grab a bite. You crazy chicks always have the best left-overs. What did you make tonight? "

"Again why?"

"I'm hungry, Maggie. That's why!"

Maggie pursed her lips in disapproval.

"I mean you have a home now. I gave you a home." She snapped back.

He frowned like a rejected puppy and it was all it took to win her over. She moaned in despair and he was tempted to laugh.

"Fine..."

Alex sat on a stool. A couple of minutes later, she handed him a full plate of microwaved Pesto Pasta sprinkled with Parmesan.

"Do you want some Prosciutto with that?"

" Why not? I don't even know what that is."

"And you call yourself an Italian cuisine aficionado?"

"No, I call myself a lover of pizza. You're the nerdy one, Beastie. "

"What happened to you? Why are you really here?" Maggie asked.

That was possibly a good question. But sadly Alex honestly had no real answer for her. True, he could have gone home directly after his guy's night with Jackson. Jo was probably already back from the hospital and maybe they could have ordered Pizza or Chinese, and that was if she hadn't already prepared dinner for the two of them.

They were good these days, as in not fighting against the current, not tanking, not sinking, not drowning in their relationship. They were good. He could never thank the woman standing in front of him enough for her quick thinking. If it wasn't for Maggie and subsequently Meredith's support, Alex might have lost it much sooner with Jo and said something to fuck it all. There was no doubt moving into the apartment had alleviated a lot of the tension between them. They no longer argued all day. They were back to having marathon sex on weekend where they could be as loud as they wanted ( as an additional bonus) without fear of being interrupted by a "roommate".

To be frank, they were pretty much back to being all over each other like rabbits on a daily basis. Life was pretty much perfect in that sense. Jo was just as fun and full of surprises as she was when they started dating. She could be greeting him tonight dressed up as a naughty nurse for all he knew. No, he really couldn't complain. Okay, there was still the problem of the loft. Sure thing, it was still a major pain in the ass. Despite the renovation project being well underway, every day had been accompanied by its fair share of disappointments and setbacks. Whether it was the contractor receiving the wrong paint, or a water pipe exploding and damaging said paint as well as shorting out the entire electric installation, a week hadn't pass without them receiving some kind of bad news.

Technically they should have been able to move back into their place a month ago. But instead, they were expecting to spend summer and fall at Maggie's. He carefully avoided the subject with Jo. She tended to take things personal as far as the loft was concerned. A couple of weeks back, when he blurted out that they had already invested more than $ 85 000 in the remodeling and that it might be wiser to cut back their losses, sell and buy elsewhere, Jo took it as a reproach, accused him of not believing in the project and of searching an easy way out. Let's just say, that conversation didn't end well.

So for now, Alex just decided he would try to cover the bills and keep quiet. Eventually, one day, the loft will be ready. Fortunately, the departure of Arizona to Africa with Nicole Herman as sudden and unexpected it had been, left him with the prospect of a raise and a promotion, as he was supposed to take over the Pediatric department in her absence. So things in the money area were almost under control.

Maggie crossed her arms in front of her impatiently. Well, it's not like he didn't know why she was so pissed. Meredith had been pretty harsh to her the other night. It's not like he did anything to balance things out in addition. He just kept quiet because of all the things he previously mentioned and more importantly because as far as Meredith was concerned he knew better than bringing up that particular topic and risked alienating her. He took another bite before answering. Maggie always doubted her cooking skills but she probably made the best pasta he ever had since Izzie.

"I had a few wings with Jackson at Joe's before I dropped him off but it could barely cover the three drinks I had. Do you have a beer?" He said his mouth full.

"You will only get a non-alcoholic one." She said sternly.

He nodded obediently behind her.

"It will probably do. Bring it!"

"You're drunk Alex."

"I'm not drunk. I could drive here, right?"

"Well, you certainly had a few then..."

"You'd certainly had many if you had to listen to Jackson a whole evening telling you the same thing over and over."

"He is..."

"Yeah, I'm trying to be a good friend and I've seen my friends going through a number of things, some tough shit even, but this is insane. She just disappeared. We don't even know if she is still alive."

"You think... She is..." She said.

Her voice was conveniently neutral but Alex knew better. Surgeons were trained to stay calm even under immense pressure, keep their voice steady even when they deliver bad news, look reassuringly into your patient's eyes while you are yourself in turmoil.

Shit! Alex thought, locking eyes with her. He shouldn't have said that.

"I didn't mean..."

"It's fine. I just... I hadn't thought about that."She lied.

Of course, she hadn't thought about that. Alex mused.

"Listen, April wouldn't do anything like that. Don't mind me! I'm just... tired. It's frustrating. I don't know. I simply don't know what to tell the guy. "

"Jackson?"

Alex nodded.

"I don't think there is anything you could tell him."

"It's just weird she didn't even give us a phone call. It's Kepner we're talking about. She brought Brownies to the job on her first day."

Maggie smiled fondly and calmly leaned over the island counter.

"We're all worried."

"Except I'm not worried, I'm past being worried, I'm just waiting for the news. See, there are perks to getting used to living here, the craziness, the senseless deaths, you can deal with. It's just the everyday shit that takes a toll on you. "

She nodded again as if she knew exactly what he was talking about. Alex couldn't keep his eyes off her. There was no way to explain it the way he could tell Maggie Pierce the most twisted and damnable things without her so much as flinch. She would simply nod in understanding, not in defeat, disappointment or resignation but with an underlying strength just under the surface, just below the skin. They would look at each other and words wouldn't be needed because they would know just how much wearied of life the other was. At that moment, she no longer resembled Magic Maggie either. The expression in her eyes would shift drastically and she no longer felt that innocent and naive. At that moment, her expression would harden and it wasn't without reminding him of Meredith somehow, the strength in her expression. She'd looked prepared to take on an army then. It was like Alex was catching a glimpse of her true character for the first time. Not even, Lexie could do that. She just didn't feel strong like that.

After a pause, Alex lowered his gaze and took a sip of his beer. He heard her exhale loudly.

"The loft... I presume. No progress?!"

Her lips relaxed slightly into a smile. He mirrored her.

"Still a no man's land. We had to do the whole electricity thing again. What can I say? Building Pyramids in Old Egypt probably took less time."

Maggie snorted with him. They started to laugh together.

"I'm sorry Alex."

"Like I told you, I'm cool. Where the hell is Meredith?"

Maggie frowned, playing with her clean towel on the counter.

"Don't know. Don't care. She is a big girl. She just sent us a text, Wendy and I, saying she would be late and that's all. Yup, that's all the warning we needed."

"The kids?"

"They're fine. They are sleeping."

"How many times did she do this this month?

She hesitated.

"It's the third time... She vanishes just like April then she comes back after a few hours with a smile on her face."

"I thought she was getting better."

"You're doing it again."

"What?"

"Finding her excuses... Thinking it's all about Derek. I'm not sure it's about Derek."

"You're the one to talk. You spoiled her more than anyone, no offense Maggie. And you should know with Meredith, it's always about Derek."

"I don't spoil her."

"You take care of the kids in her absence. You helped with the house chores... You make it easy for her."

"It's just..."

" No, it's okay. Look, you're a nurturing person, Maggie. You like to take care of your people. Little mama, I get that. We kind of kiss the ground you walk on for it."

"Did you just call me "lil'mama", Alex Karev?"

" I guess I did. I spent way too much time with Jackson, just forget it! So what's up with you and Mer seriously?"

"I have no idea concretely. I was trying to help."

"That's just what I was saying. You're always trying to help... with various results and outcomes..."

"And of course I'm to blame..."

"I never said that."

"I just... I don't see what the big deal is. It's just some remodeling. I thought she like the idea. I don't know where she took offense. If I have the money, why not use it?"

"You don't know anything about Meredith, do you?"

"Turns out... to be my fault... Surprise ! Surprise!"

"Again, Beastie, I didn't say that... "

"Alex, you just said... "

"You're just as pigheaded as she is. It must run on a genetic level."

"I'm not. You were there. You didn't try to defend me. You all ganged up on me and took her side."

"Nobody ganged up on you, Maggie." Alex countered slowly.

He knew it was more her insecurities talking.

"Well, it certainly felt like it. I only wanted to be nice. She acted like I was a stranger, like it was not my place, like I was out of line, like I was trying to steal her mother's house. I don't know what I'm doing here... trying to explain. It's her mom. Just her mom... I'm just some kid Ellis Grey gave birth to... Some kids she gave up for adoption. I have no rights whatsoever. I should just shut up and..." She said barely taking the time to catch her breath as usual.

"Say, you want some non-alcoholic beer?" He held out his bottle for her like he offered a peace pipe.

Maggie grabbed his bottle and took a quick swig before giving it back. She sat down dejectedly on a stool next to him, her back to the counter.

"Am I overreacting?"

"A little bit... but if it's any comfort to you, you're not the only one. Like I said, it's not about you... even if I understand where you're coming from, it's just not about you. "

"Listen, deep down I understand, she's your best friend. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt..."

"I'm not taking sides, woman ! And right now I'm tempted to just let you two sort this out in a mud fight! See, I'm just being an ordinary male here minding my own business and certainly not taking sides."

"A mud fight? Really, Alex?"

"You have any fighting skills? You will need it. She looks skinny with very tiny fists. But she is tough and she certainly can pack a punch. There is also the matter of her being kinda immortal too."

Maggie chuckled at that.

"Nope... No fighting skills for me ! I wasn't born with a sense of coordination. It's been quite a handicap all my life. Thanks for reminding me!"

" Hey it's not all lost! You make real mean Pasta!"

"I'm ... relieved. Between me and Mer, you think I would lose in a mud fight and you swear you're not taking sides?! See any contradiction there? I'm just saying!"

"Well... Like I said she is tough. But you could surprise us all! You're petite too and look pretty flexible..."

"Well, I took some Yoga classes in College... and some ballet classes when I was nine. I can certainly surprise you in that department."

"Did it really help?"

"Well...it's probably the only reason why I don't fall on my face just putting a foot in front of the other...Wait a minute? You... You're distracting me! Like ... Like Meredith when she doesn't want to talk about something! Something she did all week when I ask her questions about the house! It's annoying !"

Alex nodded and got back to eating his pasta.

"I am... I'm messing with you a bit. But it's just to show you... Meredith doesn't talk about Money. She just doesn't. Some people get prudish about sex. She just doesn't talk about money. "

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just know that to buy this house I had to talk her into it for six months. She never wanted to sit down to sign the papers. She never even discussed prices. Mer gets anxious pretty quickly about these things. Why do you think she took so long to open Derek's will?"

"I just thought she wasn't ready..."

" She is in a hotel right now banging some anonymous dude."

"What? You think? Really? Oh Wow!"

" Don't tell me you didn't know? You live with her."

"I just thought she needed some alone time... from the kids. They can be overwhelming. Not that, you know... The fact she is seeing someone should be a bad thing. It just hadn't occurred to me, that's all."

"I'm not saying she is in a relationship or anything. It's just... Or maybe that's it! She is in a relationship with herself right now if you prefer and it's best we don't come in between. Trust me. Been there. Done that. It will pass... Like I told you, don't think about it too much! It's not about you. Your sister digs you a lot. We all dig you a lot."

Maggie sighed.

"You dig me a lot, Alex Karev?"

"You know what? I need a real beer."

"That's okay, I'm awesome anyway. I made an apple pie. Want some? "

" I need to move in here again."

"Nope, we don't take roommates, especially old ones. Go home, Alex. I'm wrapping this up for you and Jo. How is she?"

She bolted from her stool and went in search of a perfect recipient.

"Stressed out... Fifth year and all... She drives me mildly insane just like you guys. I can't seem to catch a break from the Crazy Chicks Club."

"You got premium membership to the club."

"I'm gonna sell my card one day."

"I remember those days... when I was a resident." Maggie mused. "It was so exciting. Like getting the board's approval was a matter of life and death. I took so much sugar and coffee the day before my board's interview, I could barely sit still."

"I try to forget those days. You will be okay?"

"Yes. I'm good. We're good. Here. Take this. Be safe."

Picking up his keys and Maggie's apple pie on the counter, Alex stood up slowly.

"Thanks lil'mama."

"I think I'm gonna kill you one day in this very kitchen. Right here. Probably." She smiled sweetly, pointing at a spot next to the fridge.

"I can't wait... to see your girlish fists of death, Pierce. Must be something..."


	3. The lies we tell ourselves

-3-

The quiet lies we tell ourselves

 ** _Unstoppable – Sia_**

We know that youth vanishes in a strange way. It just won't happen in one day. Nope, you need to trust that it is a slow and tender progression, and it mostly happened without you ever remembering how it all started to begin with. One day you wake up in that adult body with all these new responsibilities, these new set of goals, this dangerous awareness that the end might be near. Your heart is hardened through battle and hardships. Things had happened to you. Even if you know that, it would be damn near impossible to explain to anyone what exactly changed. Well, life goes on, uncertain; an inconstant stream of hazard and choices, and sometimes it comes to mind that we must enjoy it while we can. Some other time, we are just too afraid and we cling on the idea, the powerful idea, that nothing has changed and that we are still young.

Meredith Grey told herself that it was not shame. She was not even trying to be that discreet, climbing the stairs to the Grey home on the tip of her toes, her high-heel boots abandoned in the closet dresser downstairs. It was almost midnight with a full moon. The suburban world outside was quiet and still deep in sleep. Meredith grimaced as one of the steps creaked under her feet. She froze and looked over her shoulder anxiously before resuming her short trek to the first floor.

Three little months ago, she made a resolution to stop wallowing in self-pity. She wanted to get rid off the sad widow's etiquette people had pinned on her back like the scarlet letter. Obviously, she still missed him and the simple thought of having to spend the rest of her life without him will be forever sickening to her. But some people had more problems than her... So she thought she at least owed it to the rest of the world to try and fix her shit together and get better at this solo thing. She was on her own.

It finally sunk in. Yes, it did.

Despite the induced nausea, she could very well live without Derek Shepherd. It was not too bold a statement considering she's pretty much done it for a year and a half now. Meredith breathed in the delicious Jasmine aroma coming from the garden. She let go of her hair, scratching her neck. It barely reached her shoulders. She cut it three months earlier like she promised herself. It felt great... just like shedding an old skin. Meredith looked around her. Hundreds memories still clung to these walls. She could remember him here when they were fresh and young... and maybe a bit silly.

 _" Oh my mother' s not dead. She's... you know what? We don't have to do the thing._

\- - _Oh. We can do anything you want._

\- _\- Not the thing. Exchange the details, pretend we care. Look I'm going to go upstairs and take a shower. Okay and when I get back down here, you won't be here. So... um... goodbye... uh..._

\- - _Derek._

\- - _Derek. Right, Meredith._

\- - _Meredith._

She remembered when they were staring at each other like they were some kind of accident waiting to happen again, as if there was a troubling emergency, as if they were something new and fascinating and... that smile she couldn't keep off her lips. What was she thinking then? It could have... maybe should have ended there. But it didn't.

\- - _Yeah. Mmmhmm._

\- - _Nice meeting you._

That smile of his... He could get anything from her with it. She couldn't even do a simple thing to help herself on that day. She couldn't even close the door on him. No, she stood there wishing he moved, wishing he made that choice for them. Then when really, all hope was gone, she ran off to the bathroom.

\- - _Bye Derek."_

It was supposed to be the end of it all.

We all know how that turned out.

Meredith didn't want to dwell on the past anymore. He was gone. She had to clean up that closet. Yup, she literally had to clean up Derek's closet, and put his stuffs into square boxes and tried to turn the pages of that chapter in her life.

It happened just two weeks after Warren was gone. She gathered everyone together around a nice lunch. Then around dessert, she invited them to pick whatever they wanted into the pile of dusty junk that was Derek and Meredith's married life. She donated a lot of stuff on that day. She forced Alex to take all his shoes. They were the same size and it would have been a waste to just throw them in the trash. And then Owen dropped by, Meredith was almost over with the whole process already. So, she gave Derek's fishing and hunting equipment to Cristina's ex. And that was it, the deed was done. She just had five boxes left and the boys moved them in the garage. Amelia got what she wanted, a full box of Derek's albums and some other stuff from when they were children. There were all doing okay until came the time to say goodbye and Amelia wanted to talk to her. Things turned sour and bitter then. Amelia wanted to buy the house. Meredith didn't quite understand her request at first. It seems, Owen and Amelia wanted to start a family in her house. Owen was telling her to think about all the advantages or something like that. Amelia said she would take great care of her brother's memento. Honestly, Amelia was talking too much like always. Meredith was not in a selling mood. She may have denied Amelia's request a little too harshly. They argued a bit. No, Amelia said her piece. Amelia got loud. Amelia got in her face. Meredith stood there coldly and simply asked her to leave... Maybe she said to never come back again... Maybe she said that they were not sisters... that they were nothing for each other... Honestly, she didn't really remember who said what? She just knew she was in such a mood afterwards that she almost revoked Owen's right to stay on her land when he tried to defend his girlfriend. But Alex, Maggie and Callie managed to talk her out of it. They didn't exactly speak since that day. They were not really sisters since that day. She did something to Amelia it seems and it was long before Amelia even asked for Meredith's "crappy" gift. Meredith did something and she never apologized for it. It helped that she didn't know what exactly she did. It helped that she didn't care about it. She sincerely could not care less about anything since Derek's things were in five boxes in the garage and her whole body felt like it was all kind of wrong. Meredith just stood there, half-broken again, until Callie offered to fix her whole with her own special brand of Margarita. It didn't really work but hey... At least, she tried. After Amelia's departure, they exchanged some more memories. They cried some more. They laughed some more. Even if they didn't stay the night, the children were happy to play around in their old room. Despite the Amelia incident, it had been nice to be back just for that brief moment.

Just for a brief moment.

She never went back there again. These past months, she had been pretty busy taking over the General surgery department for Bailey. She had been busy trying to juggle the kids and everything else. Maybe it just hadn't feel like it was the right time. Maybe it was something else. Who knew?

Three little months and she could feel tissue scars all over that wound, she was healing. It may still hurt like hell at times. But she was doing better but life had a way to remind her at times just how much someone up there hated her and her stupid goofy smile. April disappeared. In the midst of all that happened, her friend just left, vanished, without saying goodbye, without even taking her things, leaving a trail of anxious unanswered questions behind her. There was so many things Meredith was unsure of these days. What if she talked to April on that day? What if she really took the time? She had been so absorbed in her grief. In her way, she was still wrapped up in it, still fighting the melancholia, wishing that maybe, just maybe she could got back to the Meredith that was young and fresh and ready to love.

Life also got so messy on its own. This thing became her thing and she just didn't know why. She just knew she needed to be out of that house from time to time, relieving her tensions. She just knew she needed this thing no matter how temporary and unsatisfying it was.

Maybe that was his fault.

Warren.

Maybe he did something to her and she was losing her damn mind trying to replicate that fleeting feeling of completion she felt that night. She'd sucked at trying to decipher these things. Anyway, it's not like they kept in touch. Okay, that wasn't entirely true. They exchanged texts for weeks after that. He sent her a picture of his Medical Center captioned "My home". She sent him a picture of a Pectus Excavatum in the OR, she captioned "A day at work". He sent her a picture of his dog pooping on his sofa. She sent a picture of Ellis's diapers on a Friday. Then, the texts gradually came less frequently. And to be fair, she felt sort of relieved at that. She really didn't need to turn whatever they had into something. She was not even a little bit sad about it. She liked this brief thing they had going on. It seemed she needed that, to lose what she calls now, her widow's cherry. He would always be the guy who took that special cherry of hers. It had been nice and satisfying. He was a good lover. She was reminded at how good she was herself. She could perfectly go on with her life after that.

She looked through the glass door. Maggie was sleeping across the bed quite ungracefully. Meredith smiled at the familiar sight. Well, she probably needed to make amends to her sister. She knew Maggie had meant well when she offered to help her with the renovation costs. She also knew Maggie worked hard to be the head of cardio. She probably deserved every good thing that came with the status. She opened Zola's room and tucked her daughter back under the cover, picking up a few toys on the floor on her way out. She dropped everything in the toy box quietly. She smiled. It felt rather good to be at home. She checked on Ellie and Bailey. Bailey's bed was empty. She crossed rapidly the hallway to get to her bedroom. Bailey immediately bolted upright as she opened the door.

"Hey baby!"

He yawned. He had grown so much in a couple of weeks.

"You're late Mommy..."

"I know... I was busy... at the hospital... You should get back to sleep."

"Why you smell so good?" He asked and Meredith was tempted to roll her eyes.

"I...put on some... perfume. Your daddy gave it to me."

"It's too much...It stinks... I don't like it."

Meredith frowned comically.

"Okay, I will not... do it again. I guess."

"But you always do it... Then you sneak back into your bed...and pretend you never left the house but you did. We should tell someone before you get grounded at work." Bailey said, looking very concerned.

Meredith's face was priceless. She bit her lips not to laugh. Bailey did not look like he was joking though. He had his shepherd's game face on. As he got older, he was looking like his dad more and more.

"What? I... don't... sneak... "

"You have nightmares, so you take strolls. I understand Mommy. I'm the same."

"Oh!"

"I don't take strolls...though." He said.

"Good, you should never get out of this house without an adult. Understand?"

Bailey nodded firmly, his arms across his chest. It almost reminded her of Thatcher ! Meredith quietly sat down on the bed.

"I have nightmares too."

"I'm sorry about that. I thought it was getting better."

"Not really... I try not to cry anymore because I'm big now."

"But you're my baby... You will always be my baby. I don't want you to hurt... You can tell Mommy if you're hurt. It's okay."

" I don't want to cry. It's useless. I don't want to make Daddy sad where he is..."

The smile faded on her face. Meredith looked into his baby blue eyes.

" Bailey, he is really proud of you whatever you do, you know that."

Bailey shrugged.

"He loved you so much."

"But he is gone..."

"It wasn't his choice."

"Doesn't matter... Can we watch cartoons? I'm not really sleepy anymore."

"Alright! But you always say that... and then you always fall asleep... and you won't wake up in the morning."

"Mommy, you're no better. You should stay home even when the nightmare hurts. It's dangerous outside."

"You're right, wise mouth. I will try... I won't do it again. You're really a Shepherd, just like your Daddy... Nothing gets past you. No one gets a pass."

Bailey shrugged again. It was not his fault if he was just a very rational clever boy.

"Cartoon it is then!"

She picked up the remote and flicked through the channels. But Meredith froze when she reached a CNN special. The title read "A decades of oppressed photojournalism". It was succession of archive footage from various author. It was then that a younger version of Warren stood behind a reading desk while a horde of journalists was waiting for him. Meredith frowned. She saw him hesitate. He looked up at that camera before looking down again. When he finally did spoke, he did it with a tone so foreign, Meredith had to double-check twice that it was really him.

"...Dyshiki... I mean... Lloyd was... He was an amazing individual. He could stir people into action with the strength of his vision. He believed since he was a kid that the world was a beautiful place. He just couldn't get enough of it. With a pen or a camera, he wanted to represent it in all its glory with a blunt honesty that could not hide the love and passion he had for it. It is with the deepest sadness that my family and I learned today of the authorities decision to declare my brother Lloyd "Dyshiki" Paul Fresker legally presumed dead. Despite the pain it brought us, my family is grateful for this country, our beloved country, doing everything humanly possible to bring Lloyd back, to his wife, his children... We are forever indebted to all the people who express their supports and that entailed the strong voice of the international community. Thank you."

" I'm really sorry. You really didn't answer the question, Dr Fresker? Do you really believe that your brother is dead? Why? What was the authorities' take on what happened to him? "

Warren looked up from the paper he was reading to stare coldly at that journalist. Meredith felt a tear on her neck. She silently breathed in.

" We have to assume that beyond any reasonable doubt, my brother died doing what he love the most..."

"I understand your grief, Dr Fresker. I'm sorry to have to insist. But what if your brother was still alive out there?" The woman insisted.

He said nothing but Meredith could see the turmoil in his eyes. _Dead is dead_.

"What proof do you have? There is a rumor about a video surfacing showing your brother and his captors... It is more than a rumor even. I have seen the video! After expertise, we could trace it back to just a couple of weeks ago. Do you know anything about this? Do you know who send it to the authorities? Are there more videos out there? Why weren't them made public then? People who admired your brother's work want to know the truth."

Warren stood in that same position.

"That would be all. Thank you very much. "

"Mommy, I wanna watch Cartoons... You promise!"

Meredith came out of her dazed state to look at Bailey to her sides.

"Sorry... I just saw someone I thought I knew on tv."

"You don't know him...now..."

"No...not really. I don't think I ever knew him really."

She finally put on the kid channel.

"I love this one. I used to watch it with Daddy all the time."

Meredith smiled back as she got under the cover with Bailey. She dropped her phone and pager on the side-table. She sighed with a smile. She had everything she needed just right here. Embracing Bailey, she settled comfortably.

"I know." She kissed his temple.

 _I'm so powerful_ _  
I don't need batteries to play  
I'm so confident  
I'm unstoppable today  
Unstoppable today [x3]  
I'm unstoppable today_

Warren reached for his second beer in the cooler, twinkling his naked toes on the sandy shore. He took off his tie with one hand. Just a few meters from him, The Sidibe silently rolled against the wave with a distinct grace, with the sleek balance of white-and-transparent fiberglass so many modern cruisers harbored these days. The boat was at least twenty years old but was a secondhand and had a bloody history to boot since its first owner died caught in the propeller during a swim. Dyshiki had found the story fascinating and strangely amusing. Needless to say, he didn't even negotiate the price. It's not like he was paying. Dyshiki had that special brand of cynicism developed by years of traveling through war zones. He could report to you with a straight face untold human savagery, never losing his appetite over the most gruesome details. He would have made for a great surgeons if he had been less intellectually lazy and restless. When you witness a UN helicopter saving her few expensive paintings from a blazing foreign embassy while civilians are still roasting inside, when you saw this kind of things, you practically could scream you've seen it all, you were immune for life against the hypocrisy of men. Not that Dyshiki and him ever needed further proof that the world was screwed with the childhood they had. The wind blew softly in the dark, and the waves broke on the shore with more violence. He could smell the rain in the air. Still, he loved that inherently screwed up world with all his being, in all its grisly beauty.

His phone beeped to signal an incoming message from Meredith. There was a picture of Dyshiki in his best reporter without borders attire, captioned **"Dead is dead?"**

He didn't need to know where she learned that. It didn't even come to his mind to question why she would send him a message so late or why she would choose to bring his dead brother as a way to break the ice between them after so many weeks of silent treatment.

" **I miss you.** " He texted.

It was the truth. He did miss her. He missed her bluntness, and her hips, and the sometimes salty moisture on her neck, and her propensity for attracting disasters all around her. He also missed Seattle Grey Sloan in a weird way.

" **I did not. Not at all in fact. "**

He smiled.

 **"Liar."**

 **"Are you asleep? Did I wake you?"**

 **"I'm watching Sidibe."**

 **"Who is that?"**

 **"My best girl and you..."**

 **"I'm watching my son..."**

 **"Name?"**

 **"Bailey. He is almost 3 years old. Are you drunk?"**

 **"I am. "**

 **"I'm not."**

 **"I pity you."**

 **"Still missing me?"**

 **"Like crazy."**

 **" How's your wife?"**

 **"My wife?"**

 **"You must have a wife. She must be as beautiful as she is naïve...You're a cheating bastard."**

 **"I don't have a wife. Is that why you didn't text me back?"**

 **"No, I did not text you because I worked hard."**

 **"Is working the only thing that's keeping you from texting to your friends?"**

 **"We are not friends."**

 **"You are breaking my heart."**

 **"Who is Sidibe then?"**

 **"My boat."**

 **"Right? Really?"**

 **"Really."**

 **" Sorry. You're not a cheating bastard."**

 **" Or maybe I am."**

 **"Are we going to talk about your brother? Your very dead brother..."**

 **"Nope."**

 **"That's rude. I told you everything about my dead husband."**

 **"How is he doing by the way?"**

 **"Well, then goodnight Warren."**

 **"Goodnight Meredith."**

The windows were large like a store-front, glazed and so clear that New York stood below in high definition, so close and so distant at once. The sky was an opaque map with no stars and no clouds. The people filled the streets endlessly, going about their various businesses in this city that never sleep. Police sirens could be heard far away. The penthouse on the seventh floor was dimly-lit. Candle lights drew heavy shadows on the walls. The door of the bedroom was ajar. The bed in the left corner was empty. Moans and cries obstructed the serenity of the place.

Her prey was squirming in its shackles. The ropes were intricately tied around her body, pinning the slender blonde to the cross on the wall. Vika tilted her head in silent concentration, wearing nothing but leather boots with razor-sharp heels. Her body came into the yellow light, the shadows framing the rough drawings on her skin. She stood in front of the small desk putting down the whip with other various eccentric tools. She grabbed the automatic machine gun with a smile and walked slowly to her victim. She stopped to charge the ammunition, a rather large vibrating dildo.

Vika playfully shook her head, seemingly changing her mind as she went back to her station to drop the gun. She walked again to the blonde and grabbed her face with one hand, slapped her breasts with the other. The mirth in her eyes had turned into something akin to lust and depravation.

"I swear I will do whatever you want for the rest of my life...Whatever you want...just ask... You're making me crazy. I'm crazy, Mistress. Help me."

Vika kissed her open mouth softly, sucking her tongue hard.

"Your mistress will go down on you. What do you say, little bitch?" She said caressing Reid's legs.

"Thank you!" She whispered barely able to form a coherent thought as a wave of pleasure hit her, leaving her body convulsing.

A few hours later, the blond came out of the shower first, leaving Vika behind to enjoy a slow running tantalizingly hot shower. She pulled on a satin kimono and sat on the bed, wiping her hair with a towel.

She was lighting a cigarette when Vika reappeared in tight jeans and a black shirt, carrying a pizza box with her. Reid let out a deep laugh as it was typical of Vika to make a beeline for the fridge as soon as her other needs were satiated. The two women sat facing each other on the bed.

"You're so good at this."

"I know..." Vika said shrugging.

It would be kind of lame if she sucked at this very thing she loved so much.

Reid leaned with a taunting smile.

"Sharing?"

"I'm famished. Why don't you go grab something else?" Vika said, her mouth full.

"You're always famished, Vik. You don't always share."

"Then you should know not to ask..."

Vika straightened up and stretched her legs lightly.

"I missed you so much. I can't believe you stopped... And why? Why did you stop? You're not Slutty Cinderella. Warren is definitely not fucking Prince Charming! That guy is an ass by all human being standards. "

"He saved your life."

"Well, he did but I had to stop working then. So I kinda hate him a bit... a lot. He is a demanding asshole."

"He saved your life and you have a pretty functioning vagina, I might add. He did some of his most amazing work there. It's a work of beauty really. I was still in med school. I'm still disappointed I didn't get to scrub in on that procedure."

"Well... I'm pretty pleased with his work. But..."

"What but?"

" Did he think I didn't have bills to pay? Did he think this wonderful loft in the big Apple came as a free gift from one of my many suitors? Does he think my life is glamorous like that?"

"It is a gift from Pietrov. The asshole is in jail and your life is indeed very glamorous compared to our humble beginnings. I say we did well for ourselves. Let's not ruin it by complaining. You look old when you pout, Reid. Remember, Warren did call NYU for you... And then you got your daughter back."

"He can be... nice... It's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying he is not likeable. He is... He is very likeable. But I don't want to like him. He took you away from me. I won't forgive him. Now I lost my golden goose and I have to go back to school."

"Did you just call me a goose? Do you want me to spank you again, you bad girl."

"I'm not ungrateful but I'm not like you. I don't need school. I don't need a degree to know who I am."

"True, you're an awesome businesswoman."

" Damn right. Business is running fine. Girls come from all over the country so I can shepherd them in the cercle. My client list is only composed of the crème of the crop of society. I'm the best in this town."

"Yes, but...now you're all legal, thanks to him. Almost legal... "

"Okay, but eventually I would have thought of that... I'm smart."

"Yes, you are."

"We make real money here. Give me a number. What do they pay you there? I'm sure I'm making twice that."

"It's not difficult. It doesn't pay much to be a resident."

"See..."

"But I'm good, Reid. I get to cut people open for a living and it's perfectly legal too. It' a dream come true."

"This... was your dream and you're the best I've ever seen. You're needed here."

"How is Eve?" Vika changed the subject.

"She is doing great. You want to see a picture. She asked for you all the time." She grabbed her phone on the side table. Vika looked distantly at it.

"That's my little girl. She is very bright. She is in Junior high already. She even got a boyfriend."

"She looks like you. I don't mean that as a compliment."

"Bitch!"

They remained silent for a while after that, both seemingly lost in thoughts.

"Hey Vik, are you happy? Like really happy?"

"Yes, I am."

"I can't believe you."

"Then why ask?"

"You can't be happy. You like your freedom too much. It can't be that easy for you to give that up."

" I gave nothing up. I'm still very much free. I'm here, am I not? Warren and I, it's nothing like you imagined and at the same time it's probably way more."

"What I mean is..."

"I'm free. I don't have a care in the world. I get to have fun. Every day is new. Three months ago, we saved a dying kid's life and it was the most amazing feeling. It was raw and real. I've never felt so alive. "

"I thought he didn't do surgery anymore."

"It wasn't with Warren. It was with... someone else. He is one of the top surgeons in the country."

"Oh, is he? Is he cute?"

Vika avoided her gaze and shrugged.

"Hum... Dunno...I guess he is okay." Vika said, licking her fingers of tomato sauce.

"Oh you fucked him too, didn't you ?!"

Vika shrugged.

" What an ass! He really doesn't give a crap about you! I can't believe it!" Reid burst out.

"Because I'm free to be myself and we are both free to enjoy our life to the fullest. You're not being confusing at all! What happened to you, Reid ! You were not so close-minded before."

"That's not me being close-minded. That's me being your friend... This is wrong."

"Again... that I am free to do whatever I want?"

"That's not what love is about sweetheart... What's love supposed to be! You're not supposed to be free! "

"And you're an expert since when..."

"I don't know a lot of things. I may have made a few mistakes along the way... But I loved baby... I was loved. I had great loves. You're one of them."

" Who said we were in love anyway? Not you and me... But Warren and I... "

"So what is this? Are you two best buddies shacking up together?"

"Maybe..."

"Vika..."

"If you absolutely want to put words on it..."

"I'm just trying to understand here."

"I still heart you something fierce, Reid. But don't try to understand this..."

"Will you move on from him too one day?"

"That's a weird question!?"

"I still want an answer."

"Would it be a comfort to you?"

"Yes, somehow, it would make things easier. It would make some kind of sense."

"Okay... Maybe one day when I get tired of running in circle... I'd leave his ass behind. Happy?"

Reid smiled faintly.

"If only I could believe you!"

"You know why I come back here?"

"Because I'm the only friend in your past you actually keep in touch with..."

"Who needs friends? Friends talk too much and they are annoying..."

"Because I'm amazing in bed?"

"Nine out of ten. I admit but no..."

"Because I was your favorite Boss..."

Vika shook her head.

" Because you know what words like salirophilia means... Please, call me when it's time for graduation at NYU. I love graduation parties... with the dumb studs and all. "

"You're already going?"

"Hum...hum..."

"But it's still early... The sun is not even up yet. We have time for one more session. I promise there won't be any talk about your Prince Charming."

"I don't think so. Can't get caught up in traffic jam. Can't miss my flight. He is gonna kill me if I'm late. "

"You'd love this kind of death. Come on Vika... For old time sake..."

"Like I said, Warren is gonna kill me. He wasn't exactly thrilled when I told him I was hoping in a plane for New York City. I left him he was watching Sidibe. It's never a good sign. I honestly think it's old age. "

"I hate his guts so very much. I want to come one more time, Vika."

"Sorry. Really need to go..."

Vika grabbed her leather jacket and her backpack.

"I know to be a doctor... a surgeon... in the countryside..."

"Annapolis is not the countryside."

"It is by all New-Yorkers standards. Remember who you are."

"Mufasa, come out of that body."

"Go, be a doctor... but don't come crying if your vagina ever dries up. "

"That's rough."

"That's life in the countryside. I know you will get bored eventually. I will be waiting Vika!"

Vika let out a quick snort as she close the door behind her.

"So, you did come in really late last night?"

Meredith jumped out of her reverie. She sleepily looked at her sister who sat on the opposite side of the breakfast table with Bailey and Zola on each side of them. The sun shone through the curtains giving the kitchen a radiant air. But Meredith wasn't about to let herself be lulled by this dreamy scenery, she had a feeling it was going to be a "Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" kind of day. She wasn't letting that radiant sunshine outside fool her. So, she almost growled her answer in return, her hand under her chin.

"Well, it wasn't that late... "

She made it home before midnight. She even had time to catch up with an old friend. She was seriously getting good at this thing.

"You look tired..." Maggie said, looking concerned.

Meredith yawned on cue. She didn't get much sleep indeed but this was nothing new to her. Bailey, partially hidden behind his bowl of cereal, winked at her knowingly and it was the most adorable thing she's ever seen.

"I'm fine..."

Maggie swiftly finished her coffee and Meredith noticed for the first time that she tied her hair into a giant bun. She felt a shiver down her spine. Maggie only did this when she couldn't be bother. Was she still mad about last time?

"Oh too bad you have this "Opening of the will" thing! I guess there's no taking advantage of this day off for you!"

Meredith smiled softly. Bailey was making his plastic firefighter lego fake jump in his bowl of cereal. It would be a matter of minute before he did the unthinkable that is to say acting on his impulse. Maggie noticed it too but was probably waiting for Meredith's intervention not wanting to overstep on her boundaries. It reminded her how much she appreciated and valued Maggie's presence. t's true they haven't talked much lately. After the fiasco the other night, which resulted in her ego being trampled, despite what she told Cristina, she kind of retreated into silence. As a result, she was pretty much cold to Maggie all week, probably unfairly even. The perks to being a surgeon and running your own department, is that you didn't even need to find excuses to avoid someone. Chances were your hectic schedule will probably do the trick on itself.

"Right!"

"Derek's mother, Caroline, will be there, huh?"

Meredith nodded.

"Yup."

"She will probably want to see the kids afterwards."

Meredith tensed. She forgot something.

"About that, I invited her for dinner tonight... It must have slipped my mind. Should have told you sooner but I didn't think you would mind."

"No at all. I don't." Maggie said shrugging it off.

"Thanks for your understanding. Anyway, it will probably come complete with the sisters... from Hell. A plane from New York unloaded a bunch of them yesterday... I saw Amelia leave early."

"I can't really believe they're that bad." Maggie smiled.

She was such a naïve soul. Derek's sisters were probably worse than anything she could describe but Meredith was determined to keep that little piece of information to herself. She worked hard to keep that smile plastered on her face. She didn't want Maggie or anyone to know how freaked out she was by the whole thing.

" Don't worry I got everything under control! I will even cook!"

"You don't cook. "

"I know. I know... When I say I will cook, I mean that I will buy something and then pretend I cooked it." She smiled mischievously.

Maggie shook her head with a snarl.

"Won't be your first lie..."

Meredith fell back into silence. Maggie took a bite of her toast.

"I mean it sounds like a wonderful idea. Speaking of...wonderful...idea... How fine was your evening? Did you relax?"

"My evening... Well, it was...just...ok... Like I said..."

Maggie was always so chatty in the morning when the rest of them poor mortals wanted to crawl back in bed.

"What did you do?"

" I met an old friend at the museum."

"Really?"

"Yes... "

"And you guys went to dinner..."

"No... No...Hum... I caught...a movie at the theater. "

"Alone? "

"Alone... I mean... It was nothing planned. It was...on an impulse. I was outside and then... I told myself why not."

"Which movie?"

"Huh... some independent stuffs?"

" There's this wonderful movie with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie forming an odd couple tore apart by the lies they tell each other. It was set on the French Riviera. Was it the one? "

"Oh no! No! It... was not this one. It was some foreign stuffs... I don't remember the name."

"I see. It's crazy we're talking about this really because Alex came by... See, he had this strange notion that you were probably getting your freak on with some stranger in some dark hotel room. Crazy right?"

Meredith's face crumbled like ashes. She looked up in panic. But Maggie but was not making eye contact. With a shrug, Maggie chugged the remnants of her glass of orange juice.

"Maggie..."

" What was even better was that he was convinced I knew? You know since we live together and all."

"It's not what you think."

" I don't think you know what I think since we're not really speaking these days... you and me... No we're not... communicating on a profound level and.. sharing our deep darkest secrets... like sisters..."

" I couldn't tell you..."

" That you were using me! Oh that I understand! Totally!"

" Maggie... It's not..."

" I'm going to be late for work."

" You will not even let me explain?!"

"See, did you let me explain the other time when you shut me out of the conversation without considering my feelings."

Meredith bit her lips. That turned ugly rather quick.

"I guess not. Let me just say we're truly sisters! Our mom must be proud!"

"Maggie, I'm sorry..."

"No, you're not... You just think I'm stupid enough to believe you again this time. Don't let me crush your bubble!"

"Listen..."

" It's okay, Meredith. Have a nice day." She said dropping her bowl in the dishwasher and leaving.

Meredith was still looking at the door long after she was gone. With a plop, Bailey's lego fell into his bowl of milk and drowned itself. Meredith finally turned to her son, who was stretching his arms behind his chair, smiling mischievously.

"Bailey, aren't you gonna finish that?"

" Didn't I tell you mommy that you were gonna be grounded?"

"Yes, you were right, Mr Shepherd. You were right. But if I were you, I'd save Buster the firefighter from drowning, let him dry on your handkerchief while I'd finish my milk. And that's not a suggestion."

"Mommy, you're so funny."

Baltimore airport was like any other airport in the world. It was brimming with the same amount of life 24/7. Her backpack on one shoulder, System of down blasting her headphones, Vika made her way past the sea of blank faces moving in and out of synch towards the exit gates.

"Dr Gucic...right here?"

She didn't look up, simply took the volumes down. It wasn't unusual for him to send a car for her if he couldn't pick her up himself. He must have gotten himself quite drunk while watching Sidibe.

"Where's the car?"

It was when they stopped in front of a yellow Lamborghini that she actually stopped and looked up.

"You..."

"Hello to you to, sunshine? Rough night?"

"Who called you?"

"Warren asked me if I could pick you up this morning. Gave me your flight number and all! You're welcome! "

"The bastard... He is punishing me..." She whispered between gritted teeth.

"What did you say ?"

"Nothing! You didn't have to do that. I could very well take a cab. It's no big deal."

"Sure... but you might be late for your first day. I don't want that at all." Kyle gave her the toothiest grin.

"Whatever you think you're doing... Stop! This... This can't work. You and me, we're a good team... at work... in the relative safety of an OR... with other people looking after us. We're not meant to be buddies. I know you're trying hard. I did everything you ask me to. I wrote your stupid papers about the miracle kid. I gave a conference about the case in D.C. in front of old surgeons. I hate conferences. I pulled some significant amount of hours in your service these past few months. I did my part. Since I was sorry things turned out this way between us... I learned a lot and I thank you for your interest in me, Dr Yeahquo. But little old me belong to General Surgery and Warren. That's all!"

She shrugged. Kyle Yeahquo leaned on the car, staring at her through heavy sunglasses.

" Not anymore."

"What?"

"Not according to the papers I just received in my mail box."

"Papers? What Papers?"

"Get in..."

She was strangely polite these days pretending like nothing ever happened between them.

"No, sir. I asked what papers?"

"These papers..."

"What's that?"

"This is your schedule for today and mine. This little form here is your request for a change in your curriculum. I'm your new resident director. You're officially mine, I'm free to torture you and harass you as I please, Vika. "

"I'm sure those papers don't say that."

"Well, torture and harass is probably not part of the game. But I can get creative; we have all year to make a surgeon out of you. So much work in perspective... Yay! Aren't you the lucky one?"

" Warren is the resident director for general surgery. He did not sign those papers. "

"He resigned and gave me his position. Surprise!"

"I'm sorry what?"

"You heard me..."

"He did not... He wouldn't do this without telling me."

"You're sure? You're really sure he wouldn't do this to you. It seems to me he's been pretty busy trying to keep the hospital from falling apart. Maybe he forgot..."

"That's not... Dammit! I can't believe he did that without telling me."

"Now will you get in! Annapolis is not a twelve-minute ride.

" I don't want you in my life, Kyle. For real, we had fun. Real fun... But I just don't."

"Why? Why must you fight it? Why must you fight it so hard? That's the question you never answered. What is so scary?"

"This...Me... I worked hard... I built myself from scratch... even before I met Warren. I built something... I did all that..."

"I know..."

"You don't know shit! You don't know anything about me... or him."

Kyle never said anything in return.

"Oh Fuck! Fuck him! What's wrong with him? I don't need anyone. For real... I'm good."

"We all need someone, Vika. Maybe I'm the one who needs you, would it make a difference? Listen, to be blunt, I have my reservation on you. Warren didn't exactly ask me how I feel. He kinda assigned me to the job arbitrarily. I'm not complaining. When was he ever wrong, I ask you? That kid is alive because he took a chance on you and me. You know I'm kinda jealous of all that power he has... on people... on you. I never got a real interest in teaching before I met you. You're a great surgeon in the making. You are talented beyond belief. It would be an honor for me to help you get there."

Vika sighed. He didn't get it.

"You don't know what it means. You have no idea what is happening, do you? You don't know."

"Then tell me..."

"I can't...I can't..."

"Vika..."

" No... It's okay. I can do this. I will deal with Warren in time. Okay, I'm your new resident... I can be your resident. It's my fifth year anyway. It doesn't change much."

"I like this positive attitude."

"But I'd rather walk than share a ride with you, Sir."

"That's quite rude."

"See you at work, boss!"

Vika crossed the streets jogging and disappeared in the subway tunnel. His hands in his pocket, Kyle started to laugh.


	4. A run for trouble

-5-

A run for trouble

We happen to believe that people are entirely made of flaws, incomprehensible and impossible, clumsily stitched together with good intentions and good will. Do I get wiser with age? If that happens to me at times, albeit involuntarily on my part, unconsciously, you could say it is only incidental in nature. We have no hope of replicating this behavior on a daily basis. Yet, we fully intend to be as bad as we can be for as long as we can. What about that illusion of greatness? Well, it was all about control or lack thereof.

This was not a five stars hotel where you hope to find chocolate on your pillow and your favorite flowers close to your bed. It was not even the kind of place registered in guide books. The lobby was large and sparsely furnished with classical furniture. Heavy curtains covering the windows and old gold-trimmed fixtures didn't help bring any lights to the room. The building was pre-revolution itself, a classic monument of columns and flourished ornaments in Old Havana. Warren stopped in front of a dusty counter and a few minutes later a man came out of an office to greet him. Warren could hear the sounds of a soccer game on TV and interestingly enough, the receptionist smelled of cigars and alcohol. He was also very straightforward demanding to know what exactly Warren wanted, a room or a girl, both maybe. With a few words of persuasion in Spanish and a handful of pesos, the key of room 204 was dropped into his awaiting hands. There was no elevator just a grand staircase that may have known the golden Age of Little Havana leading to the room upstairs. Taking of his jacket, he climbed the steps quickly and found the room waiting for him immediately on the left. He let himself inside. It did initially felt like it was unoccupied with the velvet red curtains drawn on the windows. Every object sat still with their heavy shadows resting on the walls. Traffic noises could be heard through the slightly open window. He made a few steps and the two naked people in the bed remained asleep in the same untangled position. He walked then purposefully to the windows and drew them, letting the blinding light inundate the bedroom, waking up effectively its occupants. The girl was the first to wake up and scream. But her boyfriend shushed her down quickly with a hand on her mouth. He opened lazily his eyes and observed the intruder, his lips spreading into his usual laid back smile.

¿Quién es usted? Vete fuera de aquí! Pervertido! The woman barked covering her chest.

"Está bien . Es mi hermano. Veronica. Ambesa. Lo siento, he doesn't want to be called that anymore. Warren. Warren. Veronica."

Veronica had long honey blonde hair reaching her back and a mole on her breast. To say the truth, there were the only two things Warren would remember from her. He mostly looked at her with a cold indifference. She was from a medical and surgical point of view irrelevant. She was like any of Dyshiki's conquests, pretty, sultry and born smothered into a soft mantle of fresh insouciance. Her mama probably should have never let her outside of the house. Her mama should have warned her against guys like his brothers. She looked healthy enough he noted. He looked around him and grab a chair. He sat on it with a sigh pushing his glasses on his nose, wiping sweat on his brow.

Veronica gawked curiously at the brothers as they stared at each other. She finally shrugged and lit a cigarette with Dyshiki's ivory lighter abandoned on the bedtable. He remembered the day Chadwell, his grandfather had given it to Dyshiki. He was ten. He never went anywhere without it ever since. Even when he did that documentary on elephants poaching in Kenya, he had with him this outrageous piece of heirloom, all too representative of everything he hated about the family.

"From Africa like you..." She said with a deep accent.

"Yeah, like me." He shrugged. He didn't believe a word he just said. Warren thought. They couldn't be more different. Nerdy , recent recipient of a M.D, Warren Fresker was wearing pressed beige pants and shirts. His hair was carefully combed, his face neatly shaven. In a way, he looked even younger than the athletic Dyshiki with his tattoos, his medium length messy roughly tousled hair, his unshaved beard. At this precise moment of their life, Warren could have sworn that he and Dyshiki had nothing in common except their names.

Veronica puffed a round of smoke in the air and smiled a bit amused.

"What does he want?" She asked again.

It was Dyshiki's turn to shrug as he borrowed her cigarette briefly.

"You should ask him."

"She should go. Get dressed. We need to talk. " Warren finally cut in.

Dyshiki straightened up on the bed but didn't move a muscle. Warren knew he wasn't going to make things any more easy for him.

"Fine. Suit yourself. It's Dad. He was asking for you. Now it's too late." He said coldly.

A look of confusion clouded his eyes for a minute. Then Dyshiki frowned and bolted upright.

"When did it happen?"

Warren straightened in his chair not answering.

"Why do you care?"

Dyshiki jumped from the bed and started to get dressed hurriedly.

" Why... I care...Why? Have you gone mad? Where is he? Where did they take him? "

Warren looked at the window distractedly.

"Warren. Talk. Now. Where? When?"

Warren crossed his arms.

"He was in India. They found him in his office. It seemed he was alone when it happened. Seven days ago, they transferred him to Boston where I am a resident."

"And?"

"She tried to reach you since it started. You didn't answer her call. You were probably busy."

"And?"

"He woke up. He seemed to be recovering and was awaiting surgery. We all thought that...that was it. He was out of the woods. He asked to see everyone even Makida. She called you. I called you."

Dyshiki glared in his direction before starting to pack again. Warren stared at the confused-looking girl who didn't understand Dyshiki's brutal change of mood.

"¿dónde vas? ¿dónde vas? ¿Que está pasando? ¿Quién es este tipo?"

"I am working, Warren. I am here for work. It's important. Do you know how many letters I had to exchange to obtain this filming permit with the regime. My production knew where I was all along. She knew... And... I... More importantly you knew where I was... You always found me." Dyshiki shouted pointing a finger at his brother accusingly. "I swear you disgust me sometimes."

The girl tried to grab his arm but the journalist pushed her away hard.

She stood in shock. Warren stood up too knowing what was about to happen. So before, she realized the dark truth about his brother's nature. Before she realized that she wasn't the one... that she was just the flavor of the month, the distraction he needed at the time. Before, the heart she swore was not engaged into this shattered in pieces, broken by his brother's lack of resolve. Warren made the ultimate choice. He endorsed the villain costume, grabbed her forcefully, gathered her clothes quickly and pushed her in the bathroom, yelling at her to get dressed and leave. She called for Dyshiki's desperately through the door. She asked him why he was doing that to them. She asked him what was wrong with him and what did Warren tell him. Warren was the one again to break the news to her. Whatever feelings they had and however deep it may have been on her part it was over. It was over. Dyshiki was married. He did not care about her. He would never take her anywhere with him. He had a wife. He was just a rich white guy messing around with girls like her. This rebellious persona was just a pretty facade. He had responsibilities elsewhere.

Painfully, she waited on the threshold of the bathroom door for Dyshiki to tell her that this was all a lie. But he did not look at her as he kept staring out the window as coldly as Warren did earlier.

"You're really brothers. You fucking liar, you told me all these things about yourself. You told me you're going to take me with you. We will travel together. Eres un mentiroso de mierda. Go to hell!"

Warren watched her leave, sending a disgusted glare to his brother.

"You're happy now?" Dyshiki turned to Warren.

"You're asking me if I'm happy? Really? No, brother, I haven't been happy in a long time to answer your question. And yes , I would rejoice in your misery right now if I didn't know that you don't care for this girl the slightest bit. She was just a toy for you to play with. So screw you. Dad is dead. Grow up! It's not always about you."

"It's not about me? Not about me and you, my ass! You think that's how I wanted to know..."

" I tried ! I tried ! She tried to call you. Your wife? Remember her? The woman you swore you love more than yourself... At least more than me... She tried to call you for days."

"So she sent you... and took you what? Ten minutes to find me."

"Besides you, people have lives."

"Oh you have a life now! That's new! Did you take my advice and bang that teacher of yours or did you decide to attack my leftovers again?"

Before they both knew what was happening, Warren grabbed Dyshiki's throat and violently pushed him against the closed tall windows and up onto the edge of the cemented balcony. Stunned at his outburst, Warren let go immediately, taking a step back. Damage was done though. Dyshiki had a cut on his cheek.

"You're just like mom. Disrespecting people...Shitting on your responsibilities... Making a mockery of every sacred things... That girl...Veronica is it? She is just like all the girls that love you before... She doesn't have a clue who you really are. That. I found truly sad. "

"I am like Mom, right ? Is that why you hate me so much? Is that what makes you want to hurt me? You used to compare me to dad, so that's a sweet refreshing change."

Warren shook his head. Dyshiki stroke his chin adorned with another angry red scratch absentmindedly. He snickered in defiance.

"Did you borrow the private jet again? Did it take Chadwell long to send it to his favorite grandkid? Was it what a five hours ride? I am curious. Just how long did it take you to come find me?! Did you bury the old man already? Did you decide everything already ? Are you just here to deliver the news? Why is it you anyway? "

"I... It was just better..."

"Right... I have so many questions."

"He needed surgery and his family... so I stayed behind."

"His family. I see. So, did you... what... try to save him again? You could write another memoir about it."

" Catherine... She did... It was... She tried everything. Really... It's just... He was..."

"What? What Warren?! Why are you stuttering and mumbling all of a sudden ?!"

"I tried nothing. I couldn't try anything because... he is my dad. In the good old country, I can't do a surgery on my own dad. It's against the laws. I just can't... So, I didn't try anything. I let another doctor take over and he died. "

They never knew if it was what Warren said that brought all the memories from back when they were children to the present or if it was simply the way he said it, but a deep melancholia overshadowed their features.

" Oh... Did he suffer?"

"No. No. I don't think so. How would I know that?!"

"Okay. Fine!"

" She called you, Dyshiki. She did."

"I thought she wanted to know where I was... To check... I was thinking of calling her back."

"You were?"

Dyshiki nodded.

"She loves you, you dumb fool!"

"Fuck that! You think I don't know ! I may not know things like you... I may not be smart like you. I don't always make smart decisions. I admit it. So I don't know... You must think of me as a monster, Warren. I didn't mean to hurt anybody. I met this girl... She was just... I was working and she was there lounging on that beach with one of her friends. We talked. I wasn't thinking. It meant nothing. Maybe I'm like mom. I'm as fucked up as she was. I get that ! Maybe I deserved that ! but I can't be a screw-up in your eyes too."

Warren said nothing.

"I'm not like you. I couldn't find her that day. I tried."

Dyshiki said.

"We were children."

"You saved Dad."

"We were kids. We were not supposed to be there. We were not supposed to save anyone."

Dyshiki sat on the bed, his head in his hands.

"You can talk... You are so great... so wise... You never make mistakes. You took all the right decisions. You gathered the family... I am not like you."

"Yeah ! Well, he asked for you! I am great. I am wise. I saved his life and he asked for you. I kept searching for you...for them. They always ask for you. They need you. You're the one they need not me."

"So you hate me for it?"

"Sometimes. It is so damn frustrating. "

"Are you gonna tell her? She will leave if you tell her. That could be your chance. No more missteps, my dear wife said. No more philandering, she won't take any of that. She knew who I was when we got married. I never lied to her... not on anything important at least. But she said she can't trust me. You are the only two people on earth that know me. You don't trust when I say I'm sorry. I need you guys to forgive me. But I will understand if you tell her. She will leave me. But I will understand." He stared into Warren's green eyes intently.

"But you really do love her and you don't really want that to happen."

Dyshiki shrugged.

"I don't deserve her. I know that. You could make it so... Maybe things were not supposed to be the way they are now."

"You hurt the people you love in a misguided attempt to protect them from you. Just like Mom who gave birth to us and left us stranded in this strange strange world by ourselves. Of course, I hate you. I hate your selfishness. I hate that you are incapable of weighing the consequences on your actions... Just like her. But I'm selfish too. I didn't call you. That was a lie earlier. I called Kanaan and Maleki. I called for Makida. I even called Mom. She didn't take my call. How funny is that? I didn't call you. Sesen did because she loves you. It's because she asked me that I am here. Because I am so damn jealous of you."

Warren sighed.

"He didn't care that I was there. He didn't care at all. He didn't make one difference. I was powerless. Useless. Who cared that I sacrificed everything I was to save him that day? Who cares that I lost anything in that fire? Whoever did care?"

"Warren."

"I'm fucking tired. I'm tired of waiting for...expecting...loving...protecting... caring... breathing. I'm fucking tired of everything. You are my brother and you are my blood. Even when I hate you, rest assured, I love you. I love everything that you are and that I am not. I am proud of you when you disappoint me. I care even more when you hurt me. You are everything to me, little brother. I'm sorry I didn't really try to call. You knew that. "

Dyshiki laughed.

"We could always count on each other for calling out the other on their bullshit."

"She told me she wanted a baby with you. I won't tell her anything."

" Okay... Well... Warren I'm so sorry."

" I'm not perfect. You are not perfect. To be truthful, it's not our faults, is it? They gave up in raising us... They probably gave up any expectations they may have for us anyway."

"Dad is dead. He is really gone, Warren. Anger will probably not solve anything. Stop being so angry. We did the best we could. Dad knew that."

"I can't. stop. being. angry. It's my lifeline. If I let go of the anger, there would be nothing left but this fatigue."

A tear fell on Dyshiki's right cheek. Wracked by silent sobs, Warren sat beside him. Dyshiki threw an arm around his older brother's shoulders as he just realized why exactly he did come to him and it had nothing to do with fullfilling a promise to Dyshiki's wife Sesen or their father.

 **Dead inside - Muse**

Warren shook his head, freeing himself of past memories. He bounced up and down to the steady rhythm of his music. Sticky sweat soaked his hoodie. He panted as he crossed the meadow. He stopped to catch a short reprieve. His hands behind his head, he exhaled once, twice... The path split in two directions and he needed to decide which one he would choose today. The right path was somewhat easier as it crossed the woods back to the parking lot. It was a twenty minutes run. The left was a very sinuous narrow one, breaking from the woods, climbing along the cliffs with a view of the sea. It was slightly longer too. He took a good look at his phone. It was still very dark since the sun was not ready to come out yet. Warren panted as he wiped his cheek on his sleeve. There was a message from Vika. She was going to take the first flight back to Annapolis and was asking him to send her a car as per usual.

For anyone who knew him a little, it was easy to know which path he chose. Taking a deep breath, he forwarded the flight information to Kyle with a shrug and started running again. He thought that it was probably as right a time as any to break the news to her, the fact he asked Kyle to mentor her. She would think it's a punishment and not the most sincere expression of his love for her. This could very well work in his favor.

Harder this time, each steps steadier, his clothes, slick with perspiration, clung to his skin. He didn't know why but he had expected Meredith's texts. Almost two months without a sign and you would wonder how he was convinced that it wouldn't be the last he heard of her. A couple of weeks ago, he had even been tempted to call. He had that Emergency Medicine conference in San Francisco and it was well, just two-hours away by flight. So, he couldn't hide the fact it crossed his mind to call her although he never acted on it for various reasons. The most important reason that currently comes to his mind was that his life was just as chaotic as hers at the time. The fact he won the first battle of wit against the boards didn't mean that he had the situation under control. Vika was being her rebellious self, missing work, being late, refusing cases, challenging his authority in a time so critical. She was always arguing with Kyle. Sweat rolled down his neck as he avoided the tree twigs on his path. On another front , he also learned of Jackson's wife disappearance. So, he imagined Meredith wouldn't want to spend any kind of romantic time with him in these circumstances. It wouldn't even feel right for him to go to Seattle among such circumstances. It was easier to leave things as they were and go along the motion, just like the waves crashing against the cliff beneath his feet.

He could feel his heart throbbing inside his chest. This felt good. It was the perfect rhythm for him. A few pebbles dangerously stumbled down the cliffs in the raging ocean below. Warren kept running along the steep trail. Half an hour later, when he made it back to the parking lot, he all but collapsed against his car with his lungs on fire. _Dead is dead?_ The thought was just coming and going in his mind, often enough these days, someone could point out. What did it really mean though? Sadly, he had no answer for anyone.

The parking lot was mildly-crowded at this hour of the day. Warren breathed heavily. An elderly couple was walking their dogs while holding hands. A group of six friends was getting ready next to their cars. Two guys, who looked like brothers, were racing each other out of the parking lot, disappearing in the shrub of trees. Warren followed them with a gaze, scratching his chest distractedly. Then a brunet came in his line of vision as she stretched next to her car, a black sedan. Tall, slender, her hair pulled in a ponytail; she was wearing some distractedly yellow and black tights and lightweight jacket. She must have taken the wood trail since they didn't cross path earlier. He looked at his phone. There was another message from Meredith. _Sorry for last night_. Warren erased the message immediately. He didn't want her to say she was sorry. He wanted her to stay her unapologetic self. Why would she be sorry for him? He didn't need her pity. Dead was dead. His grip tightened on the phone as he felt a familiar anger rise from deep within.

He looked up again at the brunet. She was watching him with a hint of curiosity. Their gaze lasted almost an entire minute enough for them to take in the face of the other. A smile curved her lips. Warren responded in kind but it never reached his eyes. His eyes were hollow and empty. He nodded in her direction.

"Warren."

"Lea."

"How are you today? How many lives do you plan to save? "

"Just the same amount of people you plan on putting in jail."

She shrugged with nonchalance and walked sultrily toward him. He watched her hips swayed towards him before he focused on her face again.

"Look at us, do-gooders! Getting ready for the day! It's been a long time since our last encounter..."

He didn't say anything, simply looked at her figure again. Lea didn't wait for an answer either and pulling out her hair, she smiled cunningly.

"Your house or mine? Oh I'm so silly! The closest will do, right?"

Warren simply smiled.


	5. Run for cover

-5-

Run for cover

Meredith's wakeup call had been even less pleasant than Warren. Her face was a mold of gravity. She sat there and stared at the wall trying to remember how all this started. Obviously not the Derek is dead part. No… But what or who managed to convince her that it was time to open that particular can of worms? She had no idea. Meredith sat at the end of the conference room, fumbling with her phone, as she tried to avoid making eye contact with one of the Gorgons sisters, aka Derek's sisters. She may have earned herself the sweet nickname of Medusa and she was honestly proud of it. But let's face it! She was not nearly as skilled as these little demonic angels of destruction here.

Meredith sighed inaudibly. Well, somehow she did something at one point to be forced to sit down in that conference room with five women who were not making it a secret that they hated her guts. Fortunately, Addison declined Derek's lawyer's invitation to sit down around this very table and join the "We hate Meredith" club. Addison said in the most thoughtful letter that she was crawling with work and that her son Henry was starting kindergarten this fall. He was a very advanced little boy according to his mom and she wouldn't miss it for anything in the world. Good for her! Meredith wished taking Zola to school could have been her excuse today. That was some quick-thinking on Addison's part. Anyway, Addison sent Meredith her affection and support in a long mail complete with pictures of her little family. She was such a classy lady. She would have made a perfect widow. Not that Meredith wished that Addison's hot husband died! No!

It was more in the sense, if she had stayed with Derek, she would have known how to behave like a perfect sister-in-law. She would have send pictures of the children each time they sneeze or poop. She would have let unstable sister-in-law n°4 buy her house so she could shackle with Cristina's husband instead of laughing in this poor soul's face. She would have taken trips at Derek's mother so they could cry together their loss. She wouldn't have been the bitch that disappear for nine months only to come back with yet another secret baby. She would have already opened the will. She would have made a perfect widow. Just as an example, she was really touched by Addison's letter but she had no idea if she was supposed to write back or not, send pictures or not. She totally sucked at this. This "being a human being" thing… It's not like her own sister Maggie didn't joyfully reminded her this morning. She was just so clumsy.

Oh Zola left her drawing notebook in her bag! Should she show it to Carolyn and the others? It was cute. Everybody liked children's drawings!But at the same time, it could feel like she was bragging about her daughter's drawing skills. However Zola was truly gifted. Meredith was just being objective. When she made people she never forgot to draw their brain like a big marshmallow in pink. Her teacher once called Meredith in to discuss it. But what could she say, her parents were surgeons, all the adults around her were surgeons, she caught the bug early. It was like her and Anatomy Jane all over, except She and Derek actually taught their kids something valuable about the human body, something they could proudly repeat to their little friends. Apparently, she only managed to convince Zola's teacher half-way, because yay, she didn't call Child protective Services, but strongly invited her to get Zola to talk to a professional. The psychiatrist stated that Zola was fine though a bit sad her dad went to heaven early and Mommy was sad about it even if she tried not to show it. As a conclusion, the psychiatrist wanted to take her in for a consult… and on a date also. But that was a whole other story for another time.

Allan Trachtenberg, Derek's family laws lawyer, entered the room with his assistant and sat down at the end of the table. She always thought the man seemed like he was walking everywhere with a stick holding his back straight. She even once told Derek and they laughed together about it. His assistant was a red haired with a strict bun. She maintained the same strict demeanor as Allan. The only proof she was breathing was when her eyes blinked behind her glasses.

"We are all gathered here to open the will of Derek Shepherd…"

"I'm sorry I am late. I had a conference call with Singapore. Don't mind me Allan!" Interrupted someone she could only describe as a fine specimen of a man.

Meredith's eyes perked up at his entrance and she was absolutely not the only one. She even had a tame reaction compared to Liz's ostentatious wink to her sisters. She observed him from head to toe, from his black suit to his perfectly pressed blue shirt. He was absolutely gorgeous.

"And you are?" Liz asked with a mischievous smile.

Despite their disagreements, Meredith always liked Liz. She was the very honest kind.

"Probably here to do his job…" Nancy retorted. "Who cares?"

"Don't be rude, honey!" Carolyn said.

"We're not exactly on vacation here, Mother. I've been summoned… like I was in high school. I've been summoned to open the will of my brother more than a year after his death."

"Mom, I agree with Nancy, she didn't call us to bury him… Why call us now?" Kate said her voice icy.

Shots have been fired. Meredith was not down yet but she was desperately looking at the door trying to find shelter. She met Kathleen a couple of times before and let's just say Derek's third sister never exactly bothered to make a good impression on her. It seemed that if she thought Nancy and Amelia were the bitchy one. She was well sadly misguided because even when they were both united they couldn't hold a candle to Kate's sharp tongue. She stared at Meredith with sharp blue eyes. Meredith remained neutral.

"Sh… Katie, be respectful. Listen to what the lawyers have to say. "

"Why? We're never gonna address this thing?!"

Meredith turned to look at Amelia who was surprisingly silent. Amelia stared at the table looking conspicuously invisible.

"The name is Brandt...Henley."

All eyes went back to "Hot" lawyer.

"Like Henley-Woodrow-Keaton?" Liz asked.

Liz was smart. Yup, she was. She was a doctor. Yup, she was. A psychiatrist. Yup she was. But, wasn't she married? Hum... yup, she was. Meredith wondered. True, she was not about to cast any stone. He was that good-looking. But Liz seemed an awful lot flirty for a married woman with four kids. Not to mention, the fact her husband unlike Meredith's was very much alive.

"I am a name partner here. If I joined you today is because Derek was one of our very important clients. I was the one that brought Derek into the firm. We went to college together and when he moved to Seattle he called me to finalize his divorce. My specialty is sale-acquisition and litigations and because of that I chose to refer him to Allan, who is the best family law attorney we have."

Allan nodded with a circumstantial smile.

"Really?" Carolyn seemed suddenly interested.

"Yes, we lived in the same dorm in sophomore year."

"In Dorchester-Crowley…"

"You have a good memory."

"Your mother is Adaline… Garvey-Henley, right?"

"Yes."

"I knew that name rang a bell."

"Your mother used to call us when you guys were getting yourself in trouble doing pranks. She was working nearby. She was a single-mother like me. We helped each other." She laughed.

"True..."

Then she seemed to realize why she was here and the smile faded.

"Oh wow! Time goes by."

"It sure does, Madam."

"Call me Carolyn."

Meredith anxiously bit her lips as she saw the lights leave Carolyn's eyes.

"Dr Grey… How are you?"

Green eyes met a sky of blue.

"We've met before?"

"Yes, although apparently it didn't make much of an impression on you. But I used to go every year to your hospital's annual ball. We were introduced a couple of times and I always got the same reaction out of you."

"Oh! I was probably a resident at the time. I sleep-walked to all my meetings. No offense to you! I'm sure it was just me not really paying attention… What I mean…is…"

Kate and Nancy stared hard at Meredith. Amelia crossed her arms on her chest, leaned in her chair, and rolled her eyes.

"You also hung up on me over the phone a couple of times over the span of last year." He said with a teasing smile, digging that hole deeper beneath Meredith's feet.

"Oh! Sorry! I was probably busy with my work… I can… be…"

"Insensitive…" Katie finished for her.

"Snappy?" Amelia volunteered with a fake sneeze.

"Cold?" Liz added wistfully.

But it was Nancy who decided to go straight for the jugular.

"Clueless is more like it."

Meredith nodded slowly, biting her lips tensely. She forced herself to smile apologetically.

"Well, I did? I just thought it was Allan."

Allan frowned uneasily.

"It's true that I also tried, tried to get a hold of you to get this process going as quickly as possible as per the wishes of your husband."

Meredith blanched even more. Liz and Nancy coughed at the same time. Kate added icily.

"We probably forgot self-absorbed."

Carolyn just sighed and rolled her eyes very much like her daughters. It definitely sent a chill in the room. Amelia looked back at Meredith at the end of the table. She almost felt sorry for her. She knew her sisters could be quite something when they decided to band together against someone. She should know she had been in Meredith's seat at some point... Well, often that is. They could be ruthless. So despite her own resentment, she could see how uncomfortable this situation was getting for Meredith. She offered an understanding nod. But Meredith just frowned in return.

"I think we should proceed." Allan started again.

"I think we should do that." Meredith said, sternly.

It took her two hours and a half, taking the bus downtown, finding a cab able to drive her home. It was sometimes around nine when she finally made it home. As she dropped her bag on the desk, she noticed an unfamiliar pair of sneakers discarded in the hallway. She followed the footsteps to the bedroom and the door opened before she could go further, revealing Lea, the brunet from earlier, on her way out.

"Oh!"

Vika crossed her arms on a chest with the most unfriendly smile.

"Hi! Vika! You're..."

"I'm home. I brought some croissants with me. "

"Great...Well... Warren is..."

"I know..."

"You look great, Vika."

"Thanks Lea! You look amazing yourself. How nice of you to visit... It's been a long time..."

"Yeah, I just met Warren in the park and... " She bit her lips nervously.

"One thing led to another... I suppose..."

"Huh Huh!"

"How's your husband?"

"Greg? He... is doing great. He is...with Bryson. He is probably taking him to school as we speak. He is going to call me any minute now." Lea said breathlessly.

"Wonderful! What a wonderful family you have!"

Lea smiled nervously and looked at her watch.

"Yes, I feel truly lucky. Well, it's half-past nine already... much later than I thought..."

Vika smiled again and open the door for her.

"Hum...Hum... Well, you must be on your way. I wouldn't want you to run late today !"

"Yes, how nice of you! You're always so...helpful! "

Lea stared nervously at the doorway as Vika silently stood in her way.

"Sorry." The other brunet pulled back.

"Tell Warren..."

Vika's smile was gone in a split second.

"Lea..."

" I don't...know what to say. It's strange, isn't it? It's like I said... We just happened to..."

"I will stop you there. We're not in the habit of casting stones here."

"Good... Great... That's what I love about you guys! We should really do something someday the four of us. We're neighbours after all. "

"Yes, we should definitely have dinner... Discuss boundaries... share secrets... husbands... that kind of thing."

Lea's eyebrows shot up in horror. She brushed her hair nervously behind one ear.

"Or...not... I didn't mean... I mean not this week though. I'm swamping with work. I'm sure you understand, Vika."

"Of course, I understand. Surgeons, remember?! Not this week. Okay! I won't be seeing you this week...or any other week I presume..."

"Yes... Yes... That was silly. That was a mistake. I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I believe you. People may say he is sick... and that you are sicker. But they are not my problem. And you are not my problem either. **He is**. "

"I should go."

"I think you should."

She left not without casting a worried glance at Vika behind her. The small brunet locked the door shaking her head. She opened the bathroom door to find Warren as he finished dressing up. He walked past her to grab a tie in his dresser.

" What are you doing here?"

"I live here."

"Your shift started an hour ago." He snapped. "You're not supposed to be here, Vik."

"You're not even fully dressed yourself. But you're gonna tell me I'm late?!" She grabbed a blue tie and handed it to him.

"Well, I can afford it. You can't. "

" Really? And Lea? The hot lawyer living next door? What is wrong with you?"

He looked up in her direction for the first time. Vika frowned.

"I know I shouldn't be saying anything to you right now. Especially after the way I left last night... I went my way I know. And you are entitled to your fun. But... really? Lea!"

"In the time you're using to lecture me in my own house, can you go fetch me a cup of coffee please?"

"Fuck you! You know this is not me being jealous, right?"

"Hum, I wasn't sure for a minute."

"This is me being practical like you taught me. You can't be back at it with the neighbor, Warren. Her husband is such a twisted asshole. He hates us. "

"I just met her at the park. I don't plan to elope with her if that's what's scaring you. "

" This is not funny. She has a kid."

Warren grabbed his keys and his briefcase.

"I like kids."

"Warren..."

"I don't want to fight with you. We're both late now. I thought you'd go straight to the clinic." He said as Vika closed the door.

"Well, had you sent me a proper car like I asked you I'd have done just that. But I had to take a bus...then a cab to come home."

Vika saw the surprise in his eyes.

"Kyle didn't come?"

"You thought you planned it so well, didn't you? I hate when you're like this. Needlessly stubborn... Unreasonable...You don't listen to me."

Warren shrugged walking to his Range Rover.

"Still you talk and talk... and keep talking..."

"You know what I meant. Don't be a jerk!"

He turned to her, shrugging.

"I don't... You ask for a car. I sent you a car with a chauffeur, mind you. Instead of thanking me, you're here complaining. What can I say, you're no longer the modest girl I met in a hotel bar. You're too demanding Vika. A demanding companion is not exactly what I asked or paid for."

"You really want my fist to meet with your face, right now? " Vika said, opening the passenger door, throwing her backpack on the backseat.

"What I want is you doing what I tell you when I tell you without me having to put on a fight. But let's be realistic, that's probably never gonna happen!"

"I didn't ask for a change in my specialty. I didn't ask for a new teacher. I certainly didn't ask you to screw the neighbor?"

"You left. What was I supposed to do? " He said, starting the car.

"Use your hand?"

His hand froze over the gear shift. He gave her a look. Vika smiled with malice. He didn't. She knew she hit a nerve.

"You left."

"Well, you asked for it! I left last night because I was mad at you for constantly meddling with my life these days. I don't get what you're thinking. I don't get your sudden obsession with my future. What if I don't get my boards? Would you leave me?"

"You will get your boards..."

"Okay, I will get my boards... but I don't need to find another specialty."

"Maybe if you told me what happened with you and Kyle... I could... "

" You could fix things for your own convenience."

"Vika..."

"No, we don't have to tell each other in details. Isn't that your rule, Warren? You never talk to me about Meredith Grey."

"That's because there is nothing between me and Meredith Grey."

"Because if there was something you'd tell me, right?"

Warren shook his head, leaving the driveway.

"I'm sorry. I can't see your point. I have Sex. Meaningless. Harmless. Consensual. Sex. With women. Various women. It doesn't always mean anything serious. I didn't think I had to tell you that about myself."

"This is not what I mean."

" What do you mean exactly? Vika, you messed things up. Not me! I gave you a birthday gift. I didn't tell you to screw it. I don't mind if you did but I didn't put you in the situation where you can't be in the same room as a world-class surgeon. You did. Do you know how many residents would kill to be in your place right now? Not just hundreds. Thousands. I received thousands applications each year. 61 % are only motivated to work with Kyle. I choose ten people to enter the program each year. Only two of you gets to be on Kyle's service. Whatever happened between you, Kyle is offering to mentor you with a fellowship as a grand prize. Take it. You're not just lucky. You're blessed... by me. That means I have nothing to apologize to you for. So please stop whining in my head all the time! ''

Vika fell into silence as memories of her little tryst with Kyle played with her senses, dizzying her.

 _"Tell me something true about you, Vika."_

 _"I told you…"_

 _He straightened up and looked at her with the most honest eyes. She felt undressed completely. She felt naked. She was naked._

 _"You made me believe you."_

She couldn't explain it to Warren. It wasn't rational. Though, she was not afraid as much as what his reactions might be as what this confession would signify for her. She didn't want to care. Yes, it felt frighteningly scary the way he touched her. It was like falling in a deep hole and being buried alive all at the same time. Her breath was caught in her throat. For a second, her face mirrored the confusion in her eyes. She opened her eyes as she felt a hand on a thigh, sliding between her legs. She looked into Warren's eyes, her lips suddenly dry.

"I'm sorry. I lost my temper. I just wants what's best for you, Vika."

Kyle was not what was best for her, Vika thought. He would be her downfall. He was not "safety". He just looked like it. Warren was her safety net. She didn't have to make an extra effort to please him. He didn't cost her anything to be the person he needed except when he pressured her to work with Kyle. She looked at her surrounding, feeling naked and vulnerable for some reasons. He stroke her cheek with his index distractedly. She kissed his finger and sucked on it, catching his attention in full.

" And you what do you need, I'm just curious ? It's probably not me. Not at the moment...Ever since you came back it's like I don't know you. You just fucked Lea, the nympho? Can't you see I'm worried, Warren."

"I don't know what I need, Vika. I just need something to do. Something that matters... "He said, staring at the red lights.

" I'm here for you. I am here. I can be anything you want me to be. Just tell me what you need. I'm not going anywhere. Kyle... He doesn't mean anything to me. I'm with you."

Warren sighed.

"Even if you pissed me off... I will take it. I promise. So go ahead, use me."

Vika laughed, wiping some unwanted tears from her face with a snort.

He turned to her and for a second, she believed the world outside could fade and the two of them would remained.

"I'm not going anywhere." Vika frowned as she caught the hesitation in his voice loud and clear.

"Sure about that?" She asked.

"If I'm drowning, I know you will catch me."

"You bet I will."She replied.

It was his turn to smile.

"Now, fasten your seatbelt and put some music on." He said intent on changing the subject and evading the growing melancholia.

"Sir, I'm not listening to Eminem or Dré...Or Eminem and Dré together?"

"I'm not listening to Apocalyptica or anything goth or metal. It's too early still."

"Muse. You like Muse. I like Muse."

"No. I had my fill earlier."

" _Offspring... Come out and play_. It's old-school punk. It's perfect. I adore this song."

"I need something punchy but not as painful as pulling out a teeth. Thank you."

" Oh...Such a Grouch! Metallica...It's for old people like you!"

Playing with the remote controller on the wheel, Warren put on Snoop Dogg. Vika chuckled as Warren moved his head with the music.

"Ah just what I needed !"

"Oh my god, you're such a dork. I hope Meredith Grey never have to see you like this. I know Lea would die if she saw you right now. They wouldn't give you the time of the day if they knew you like I do. I guess you're stuck with me, Warren Ambesa Fresker."

"I guess I am. Can I have a croissant? "

She had completely forgotten the fresh bag of pastries on her knees.

" I'm not even sure you really deserve it. You still reek of suburban pussy...You know. "

"Not listening. Snoop doggie... doggg..."

There was a twinkle in the corner of his eyes as he kept his eyes trained on the road. Vika relaxed in her seat, feeding him bit by bit the croissants. She would burst in laughter every now and then when he would try to rap Snoop Dogg's part or sing the hook, turning out to be awful at either of theses things. However, all the joy and merriment was gone by the time he turned in the parking lot of the medical center, leaving Vika at a loss again of how to explain the drastic shift of atmosphere. This was going to be one of those days, she feared. She just had a bad feeling about all this... . It was a day when despite what she told Reid, she regretted simpler times, the variety of clients, Reid, being her own boss, the money. Well, Money had never been an issue back then. It wasn't one right now either. But just sometimes she really wanted to know what was happening in his head. She prided herself of knowing him better than most. But Vika knew even what they had, what they built together, the trust in each other they nurtured had its limits. She knew there was a part of Warren constantly unavailable to people, a monstrous part no one ever saw but that selfish bitch that stole his heart and ruined his life... and her selfish husband, Dyshiki. Vika frowned.

What day was it again?

It was then that it hit her. How could she have forgotten? A shiver travelled the brunet's spine downward as she watched Warren exit the car without a word. She picked up his cell phone to check on the date. She found the message Meredith Grey sent him instead. _Dead is dead?_


	6. Gone Girl

-5-

Gone Girl

 **Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol**

There was probably a manual somewhere about losing your spouse to some deadly tumor or to a car crash. Why not this? If there was supposedly a manual about everything, there should be a book addressing the predicament he was in. Last Tuesday marked the anniversary of the day April disappeared three months ago.

Jackson washed his face for the fourth time wiping imaginary traces of sleep. He hadn't slept more than two hours per night for weeks now. Without the fucking manual of how to cope with the disappearance of one spouse to help him, Jackson did everything he could to find his wife. He went to the police before and after the 48 hours. He posted photos of her everywhere. He called her parents, her sisters, all her cousins, even the one who lives in Australia. He left messages to all the persons who knew her. His friends helped and they took turn with him as they searched Seattle at night. He used all his influence to send an alert on all the hospitals of the country. He hired a really good P.I. on Warren's advice. Nothing worked. April simply vanished on that day leaving her purse and phone behind. His life got suspended when that happened or maybe a part of him died... maybe all of him... He didn't know.

The days went by and soon it was months and still no one had heard of her. Her mother stayed with him for a while. But he just couldn't deal with her constant worry, guilt and grief, in addition of his own, and asked his mother and Richard to talk to her. She went home the next day. This happened three weeks ago and they still kept in touch. Although Jackson vowed to her to never stop looking for her, there was not much left to try. He sent a message on the local TV channel. His face soon was on every news channels as he became the guy everyone suspected of having cowardly murdered his own wife. He became this guy people looked sideways trying to remember where they saw him. He became the guy with the missing wife.

Wiping some steam on the mirror, Jackson stared at his reflection. He could barely recognize that guy with the unkempt beard and bloodshot eyes. He had a few grey hairs left to his temple. His stomach was just not as tight as it used to be. He did not eat properly. He had no time to hit the gym. He could be on a plane at any minute, flying to a morgue on the other end of the country, because the deceased would match closely the description of April. That was currently his life. Alex always went with him on those occasions. Last week a woman who looked like April was found drowned in San Francisco Bay. Everything matched, the size, age... But she was a brunet the autopsy had revealed later. And immersed in the water for some time, there have been no way to know that it wasn't April before he made the trip. How to explain the disappointment? How to hide it? How to keep the growing resentment from happening? How all of these make any sense? The disappointment must have shown on his face anyway because the journey back to Seattle was made in a creepy silence. He could see the unease growing on Alex's face. How did this happen? How the hell did this happen to them? When had he started to think of the better outcome as finding her body?

He remembered the first time he saw her. It seemed that long ago. He was standing with Reed and Charles on their first day in Mercy. She was raising her hand to ask a question. She stuttered nervously through it. He remembered thinking that it was impossible for a girl to be so nerdy in the year 2005. And when she dropped her book notes on the floor, his suspicion that she must never have had a boyfriend in her life was strengthened. Reed made a joke about it. Charles guffawed to please her. He didn't make any comments. He just kneeled down to gather her books for her and April almost dropped everything all over again when she looked into his green eyes. Later when he actually introduced himself as being the grandson of Harper Avery, she was the only one to look apologetically at him. As if she must have sensed how hard this very fact was for him. So now can someone can explain how do you go from this to this?

"Baby?"

He frowned pulling some clothes haphazardly on. He tried to gather some clothes in a pile while exiting the bathroom, sent a pile of junk in the dressing room, closing the door behind him. Catherine was standing in the middle of the kitchen, putting groceries in the fridge.

"Mom, you didn't have to. I can do that myself. "

"It's not much. Don't worry! I was just doing some shopping the other night with Richard."

She was obviously lying. Who would believe Catherine Avery would be caught dead in a Walgreen's aisle? Certainly not Jackson! That woman raised him.

"He had invited Maggie to dinner last Sunday. Richard had put the idea in his head that he could cook something special for her. The man believes he can cook like I believe I can sing sometimes. He can't as you and I know but still it's his daughter. He wanted to impress her... So, we mostly got everything in double in case he failed... I'm proud to say he didn't. "

"You call a cook behind his back?" Jackson said as he tidied up the living room.

"Yes, I called Fabrizio from the Montenegro to spice that Minestrone. Sue me! I'm a proud scheming wife! Maggie found it delicious. Everyone had a good time. Richard still thinks he can cook though. So instead of wasting these foods or give him anymore idea... I thought why not donate instead? "

He knew she was extremely worried about him.

"Mom. I'm fine."

"I know." She said and turned to him. "Are you sure you're ready to come back to work? No one is putting pressure on you, right."

"No one is putting pressure on me."

"I heard Harper called you."

"He just wanted to know how I was doing and if I was back at work. But that's the extent of the conversation we had."

"Ok. I don't want him to... You know. You take your time, baby."

"I'm fine."

"I know... But you can take all the time you want, baby. There's no need to rush. I can talk to Bailey. It's not an issue at all as you know."

"I know."

"You could take another few weeks... You could travel..."

Green eyes met with Hazel brown. He didn't need to voice his answer. He couldn't travel in case they find April. He needed to be here whatever the outcome. She stared at him, biting her lips nervously.

"That was a silly idea. Of course you can't be traveling! I was not trying to be insensitive. I understand what you're going through baby. Believe me in more ways than..."

"You're referring to Dad."

Catherine hesitated. She always did when addressing this particular subject.

"You know Warren told me everything before he left."

"I know. You told me."

"Still, I've never heard your side of things."Jackson mused in.

"I doubt it would be of any help in your situation. I mean you already got so much on your plate. This is the past."

Jackson nodded slowly, entirely unconvinced. But conviction was what he lacked most these days, he was unsure of anything and everything.

"I shouldn't have bring up travelling and such. I only have silly ideas these days."

His hands in the pockets of his jeans, Jackson shrugged, forcing a weak smile on his lips.

"Calling Fabrizio to the rescue was a pretty smart move."

Shaking her head, she was trying to rein in her anger, not letting it simmer to the surface just like Jackson in fact. Unlike Jackson who was a master at passive aggressive behaviors, Catherine was the brutally honest type. She slammed her key on the table angrily.

"You have no idea how frustrating this is for me?! What was she thinking?! Really?l Who disappear like that? "

"Mom..." He stopped. He was hoping she wouldn't cry. Jackson could deal with her anger. But he honestly stood no chance if she started to cry .

Catherine shook her head trying to bury those tears before they fall.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have... I'm just... I can't see you hurt. It's so frustrating to me."

"I know."

"I hate this ! I feel so hopeless."

"I know. It's ok, mom. I'm fine."

She left everything in the kitchen to get closer to him. A maternal hand caressed his cheek. He nodded.

"I'm fine." Jackson repeated again and again.

If he said it often enough maybe it will turn out to be true.

"We will find her. We're gonna find her. I promise, baby. We will not stop."

" Too bad. Maybe we should stop... " He shrugged and turned to face the windows.

"Jackson..."

" I wish she was dead. I wish that... I pray whatever god for her to be dead, mom. I just wish for peace. Hers. Mine. I wish we could stop tormenting each other. I wished it had been her...lying on that table. It's the same. I entered a cold room and it's not her. I don't know where she is. I can't sleep. I can't eat. Is she in pain right now? Because I'm in pain. Mom. I remember her face. I remember how much I love her. I remember that I should have told her...that day... instead of telling her how much I wanted out of this marriage. I wished I told her I never loved anyone like I love her. I wished I told her I'm so sorry Samuel is dead. I wished I told her. But I didn't... I didn't say anything. Now she's gone! I don't know what to do ! This needs to end. One way or another. Right? Maybe I'm finally over this whole thing? I want... I need to be over her because I'm drowning without her."

"Oh Jackson! Oh Baby!"

Catherine reached for him and hugged him with all the strength she could muster.

"I feel barely alive, mom. That's why I need to work. I need to do something. Anything."

She nodded against his shoulder.

"Okay! Okay, baby! Let's get you to work, honey!"


	7. The trouble with partners

-7-

The trouble with partners

The sun was barely up behind the skyscrapers when Stephanie Edwards parked her old Skylark brown in the almost empty parking lot of the Seattle Grey Memorial. The coolness of the early morning was quite deceptive, and not really reflective of the late summer temperature sure to rise through the day, that's why she was dressed lightly with a simple leather jacket, flimsy tank top and jersey pants. Of her own admission, Stephanie stopped making any extra efforts to look pretty in favour of comfy easy to wash clothes. Sure, she put on some fuschia lipstick and liner and the morning gave a soft lavender glow to her face as she crossed the grand lobby. But that was it, the hardcore surgeon she became in the past three months wasn't into all the useless time-consuming niceties. But she wouldn't say she changed. It was nothing brutal. She just learn to be effective rather than demonstrative. If anything at all change, it was the fact that she was no longer questioning belonging there. She never thought growing up with her circumstances she would liken a sterile hospital like this one to her home. On her way upstairs, she crossed path with many colleagues, some of them residents like her or attendings. Everybody greeted her with a smile... Everybody except...

"What's up ?"

Stephanie said as she dropped her backpack in her locker in the resident changing room. Jo didn't rise from her glorious seat as she devoured a slice of pizza. She simply rose an eyebrow at the newcomer.

"Hey... you ? Who are you? "

Stephanie simply shrugged as she changed into her scrubs.

"Hahah! Very funny! What's your problem?"

"Oh! It's you! Stephanie! My dear Friend Stephanie! I had trouble recognizing you my friend. It's been so long. You don't even smell the same. What's that? Pineapple and Coconut ? You smell like something familiar yet I don't like it."

"I'm trying a new shampoo bottle Pierce recommended to me. I love the smell. " Stephanie replied absentmindedly.

"Right. No wonder." Jo said curtly.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's just been ages since the last time I saw you."

"You said this like it's my fault. I don't make the schedule. I hate the person who makes the schedule as much as you. I should have been named chief resident, not Warren. I believe he got ahead because he is sleeping with the boss. But I also did that once so I can't really cast stones."

"Let's not forget it could also have been me."

"Oh yeah, you applied too." Stephanie shrugged distractedly.

"What's that supposed to mean? "

"What did I say?"

" I don't know. It was like an afterthought. You shrugged it off. It was like "oh yeah I totally forgot we were mortal enemies at some point." "

"Mortal enemies? You're not exaggerating? "

"I applied too. Technically we were...at least rivals."

Stephanie frowned before taking a deep breath.

"Did something happen with Karev?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Don't know. You seem a little bit agitated."

"I'm not. I'm chilling actually. I was just stating some facts."

Stephanie sighed. She could sense some chill in fact but not the pleasant kind. It's not like Stephanie couldn't admit it. Yes, they did grow a bit apart. But Jo was making it look like it was of her own volition, as if she was to blame because she was more focused on her residency than she'd ever been in the past four years. Stephanie couldn't deny the positive impact the Pollard Case had on her career. It gave her the boost she needed to start believing in herself , start to push the bar of her expectations higher.

"Well, that's definitely new. Can I have some pizza then? It smells yummy."

She sat down on the edge of a sofa.

"Didn't you have breakfast on your way here? You always grab a coffee and a muffin on your way. I know this for a fact. That stomach must be already full of junk food. Don't try to play me!"

"You're mean. You're in mean mood. You're like a mean munchkin soldier."

"Steph, I don't share breakfast pizza with anyone not even Alex. You should know that."

"That's pretty heartless. Does Alex know you're this heartless?"

" That's me being hardcore. But I could exchange though. I'm open to making a deal."

" A deal? What kind of deal? "

"I need some serious OR time."

"And?"

"Give me some of yours?"

"What? You're about to finish your shift, Jo. What did you do?"

" I was with Hunt and it was just a couple of the usual traumas. I have four hours left on my shift and I can stay if the case is interesting enough."

"We're not supposed to do that many hours. Remember Shane?"

"I said if the case is interesting. What's a little sacrifice? And you're the one to talk? How many hours did you log for the Pollard case?"

"It's different."

"How so?"

"I just wanted to be the first thing Debra saw when she came out of the coma and I was. You know it was a pretty crazy case. I never thought she would leave this hospital."

"Well, you didn't leave much yourself."

"All worth it! She is in a rehab facility now. I kinda miss her. We faced so many complications after the surgery. She is a miracle. A walking and talking...Maybe not walking... but definitely a talking miracle. She is a survivor."

Stephanie said musing.

"My point exactly. I didn't get any miracles lately. "Jo reminded her.

"Ok. So what ? You think I'm some kind of Genie in the bottle ? I don't make these cases magically happened out of my surgeon cap. "

"No, you're just the one always lucky to be there at the right time. So maybe I should stick with you today."

Jo said stroking her hands mischievously together.

"You're strange." Stephanie crossed her arms.

"You're stranger. What about that laparoscopic colon resection with Grey just the other day."

"I was just on her service."

"Or maybe she keeps all the interesting cases for you...Her favorite. When I'm with her, I only get a couple of Appendectomy and a few hernias. It's making me think the game is botched from the start."

"Do you listen to yourself? Why would she do that?"

"To piss Shepherd off. Don't tell me you didn't realize they're fighting over you? "

"Over me?"

"Shepherd is pissed at Grey for refusing to sell her house. Grey is pissed at Shepherd because she is sleeping with her best friend ex-husband and well she basically has a life unlike her. Since the Pollard case, both believe they have primary custody of you."

" Is that a summary of our life?!"

"Like it's not true!"

"Of course, it's not true! Oh Jo, did you also write the book on how to build conspiracy out of thin air? Because it honestly sounds like you did?

" A complex tractional retinal detachment repair with Shepherd."

"Plain Luck."

" Remember the gastric bypass with Grey ? I was supposed to be with her on that day. She requested you personally and let you do half the procedure while she watches."

"I did a few with her beforehand and guess what it helped. It's the way she teaches. Grey is a great teacher. You should give her a chance. "

"I wish I could give her a chance. She pretends she doesn't know I exist. It's not me not giving her a chance. She hates me."

"That's not true."

"You couldn't know the difference, for some reasons she really really likes you."

Stephanie glared dangerously. For some reasons? What did she mean by that? There were reasons, plenty rational reasons in fact. She was very likeable and a rockstar and batman's sidekick all at once!

" For some reasons? Excuse me?"

Jo shrugged.

"You know what I meant."

"Well, she doesn't just like me… She is just a good teacher, Jo. She is just doing her job. "

"Oh no, she talks to you, she delegates surgical acts to you, you guys WhatsApp all the time. I saw you swipe on Tinder for her. That's some BFF shit or I don't know anything."

"Oh that's a funny running joke between us. She would swipe right for me. I would swipe left for her. We would mock those desperate guys for being so desperate. We're cool like that."

" Right, You're like best buddies or something now."

" I showed her how to use all these app stuffs. We're not best buddies. You're my best buddy even if somehow it does sound incredibly gross right now."

"I can't believe you even went to a party with her and her sister Maggie... Oh sorry the infamous Beastie Pierce! " Jo said.

"Your boyfriend call her like that, not me! She is just Pierce or Maggie to me. And I didn't..."

" Oh no you did... "

"When... Oh last month? You're bringing up something that happened last month to prove your point! That pizza must be salty as hell, Jo."

Stephanie stood up.

"Meredith called you when they thought they found April."

"They called everybody. You were there too. I can't see your point, really? "

"Well, just don't tell me you don't hang out with her because I know you do."

" Jo, we went to a speed dating night in Bar 187. Girls' night out. Torres was there too. We had tons of fun that night. But it was nothing special."

" Well, I was not invited. "

" You were not invited because you don't need a date. You're with Karev."

"You would never know these days." Jo muttered between gritted teeth.

" That's it! It's about Karev. I knew it."

"No, it's not. Why is it always about my boyfriend with you? I'm not the only one with boy troubles? Steph, it's about you and the fact I never see you around anymore." Jo said, shoving the pizza box in the trash.

" I'm sorry we're both busy, Jo. What do you want me to say? This is our fifth year. Things are really getting serious. I'm really trying to pull in as much hours as I can since I have yet to settle on a specialty. I'm thinking of scoring a fellowship afterwards. What I don't get is you suddenly badgering me about it when you are very much the same! I don't get to see you much. You live with Karev now and you guys are pretty much always together... I don't have that waiting for me at home. So yes, sometimes I go out with single people like me. "

Stephanie knew she made a point when Jo didn't immediately respond.

" Sorry, sorry... I get that. I'm the same I admit. It's just I see you thriving. It's like you're already one of them. I'm still a nobody. You will have no trouble choosing a specialty. You will find any job afterwards. You have Warren Fresker's number on speed dial. Me on the other hand... "

So she did have Dr Fresker's number and she may have written it on an insane number of backups in order to ensure she will never lose it. After all, it was no easy tasks to impress that man. She earned herself that little bit of insurance policy since Warren Fresker was considered one of the best medical headhunter in the country. Hard to realize, it was their last year of residency. Who knew what they will do or where they will be same time next year? But it's not like she couldn't understand where all this coming from. Jo may think she had everything under control now that she beat that Pollard case and started to play with the big dogs. But any number of things could go one in the span of a year.

"Jo, you're also doing fine." She said as she held the door open for both of them.

"I'm like what did you put in their food lately!"

"I didn't do anything. I'm just nice with them. They're nice in return. You should try it."

"I'm always nice."

"Not with Meredith. Did you really tell her a couple of month ago to find herself a boyfriend?"

"I lost my temper. Who told you that?"

"Those interns talks a lot. Jo, you have this attitude whether you admit it or not." Stephanie whispered.

"I don't think I have an attitude. She is the one with the attitude. She treats me like crap. She always calls Alex and ignores me. Here, she treats me like the help."

"She is your boss. So technically you are... The Help... I am too if we think about it."

"Well, you told me to tell her when she annoys me."

"Not like that. Definitely not like that. She told Torres what you said. Torres told the rest of the world. The attendings think you're a little bit arrogant."

"And you didn't think to tell me?"

"What purpose would it have served exactly?"

"I don't know."

"They are our bosses.

Jo remained silent for a minute. Stephanie was probably right.

"Arrogant, me? Is this a joke? She is the arrogant one. She is always mean to me. "

"She let you babysit her kids. I'm not sure she would let you do that if she didn't trust you."

"Only when I'm with Alex… and she always gives me that look… before she leaves."

"What look?"

"The _If you break them you will have to pay for them_. "

Stephanie laughed. She could totally see what Jo was talking about.

"Oh I know that look! She gives that look to everybody! "

"See, the one thing I thought was special between us... The only thing... How disappointing! See what I mean?"

"You're such an idiot. Come on, for today, I will give you first dibs on whatever surgical case life decides to throw at me!"

They were walking quietly through the surgical ward when Callie Torres got down of the elevator. The brunet stopped to talk with a nurse.

"Oh! Edwards, I came searching for you. I have a special case in the pit. I need you to follow me. Bring one of your interns with you. Just one! "

"Okay!"

But before Stephanie could go, Jo held onto her arms.

"What is it, Dr Torres?"

Callie stopped and turned slightly. She observed the two residents curiously.

" Hum?"

"Just by curiosity?"

"A pre-op consult for a pectus excavatum. "

Stephanie smiled. That couldn't be her luck. Gritting her teeth in annoyance, she nodded weakly. It couldn't have been a classic realignment of bones. Jo was smiling like the Cheshire cat in utter victory.

"I'm sorry. I'd love to see that. Believe me but... I'd love it. I am... What do I have to do again ?"

Stephanie turned to Jo, pleading. Just not today. She could give Jo a case tomorrow. Any cases she wanted in fact but that Pectus Excavatum. But Jo was currently holding her arm in hostage.

"...Requested in the pit." Jo finished for her.

"That's right. I was requested in the pit." She murmured.

"What?"

"I'm sorry Dr Torres I am requested in the pit."

" Hum... by who? I just left the pit."

Stephanie gave Jo her best version of the puppy dog eyes.

"By people. I'm sure." Jo said.

"Yes? Why do I have to go to the pit, Jo? I'm sure they can find anyone... to..." Stephanie said with a fake smile.

"You offered to help. Now help."

" A Pectus Excavatum. You don't see that often."

"I concur. I thank you very much for this opportunity to learn, Steph. "

"Jo, I love you but I don't think I can do this..."

"'I'm free Dr Torres if you need any help."

For a second, Callie was struggling to make sense of the situation. It seemed for a minute that she wouldn't agree to this which leveled Stephanie's hope somehow to embarrassing proportions. Maybe she wouldn't have to openly refuse her best friend after all! Maybe the universe will back her up ! Maybe Callie will provide her with the best justification for her selfishness! But all Dr Torres did was shrug and move on.

"Ok, Wilson. You're with me today. "

"I will page Deluca, Stephanie if you don't mind."

Well, she minded. A lot. But instead of saying just how much, she just nodded with a smile. Stephanie was well aware that she did this to herself after all. She wasn't mindful. Now she lost an opportunity to learn. Jo gave Stephanie her toothiest grin, mouthing a silent thank you, before she followed in Callie's footsteps. Stephanie sighed. Friendship. Who say you needed one? Who said you needed to be nice to climb up the ladder of fame and glory ?

On this depressing note, Stephanie climbed in the elevator to get down to the Pit .

"Having a Bad day?"

Stephanie looked up as she recognized Jackson's voice.

"You came back."

Her first impulse was to stretch her arms and hugged him, but fortunately, she was strong enough to ignore it.

"Well what else to do?"

"Right, we do live for those surgeries after all." She said with a smile.

He smiled back but the sadness and bitterness wouldn't leave his eyes. Crossing her arms, Stephanie looked straight ahead.

"I'm not gonna ask you how you are.

"You won't? "

"No. When I was sick as a child... and when... my Mom died... People always asked me. It pissed me off royally. "

Jackson and Stephanie gave each other an understanding look.

"You working with somebody today?" He asked, avoiding eye contact.

"No."

"Me neither."

"Ok."

"What do you say we find ourselves a big case?"

She laughed. It was just the way he said it. There was just enough of old Jackson in his voice to make this statement humorous. The doors slid open.

"Anything that requires a scalpel really..." She looked at Jackson. He was suddenly silent and very focused. She followed his gaze. Her eyes widened in surprise.

"Is that?"

Jackson broke into a huge artificial smile.

"Well, Dr Edwards, if I'm not mistaken, I think we just found ourselves a case."

Stephanie nodded.

" And if it's not the biggest case I've ever seen in a long time... Oh Yes!"

Jackson turned to her surprised at her outburst.

"Take that Jo, the universe likes me because I am very likeable. We are very likeable."

"We are indeed. But what was that?"

"Nothing."


	8. Back to Black

A/N: Yup. I am sorry for a lot of things. I'm sorry for the time it took to update. I'm sorry for disappearing with no warning. I'm sorry for letting trolls get the best of me here. I am just so sorry. It was never my intention to disappoint those who do read and support the story. Your open-mindedness and willingness to give me a chance with my weird idea of a plot are what had kept me going part 1. You guys mean a lot to me! So I want to thank you! I don't know what happened. I just grew immensely fed up and frustrated with my own writing, with this website, or the cannon verse, anything relating to the story really. But this story is in my head like a thief that doesn't pay rent and it's annoying. It's not going anywhere. I'm aggravated that I can't get it out as easily as I would want to. As easily as I did the first part. I think I kinda grew self-conscious about my writing at some point and contracted a major case of writer's block as a result.

-8-

 **Back to black**

Have you ever had a hungover sober? Have you ever felt like something was inherently wrong with a situation? As if your whole world was about to implode with a single sentence? You have? Well, it never happened to Vika Gucic. She prided herself into not giving a single fuck at all time. She was great at it. Well, she had that "no caring" rule firmly in place that prevented her from feeling any kind of way all the time. So, when she saw him approached, walking strangely like some kind of Abercrombie model on a runway, greeting people on his way with this big smile… This big smile she knows was hiding sweetly the hollowness inside… The hollowness that mirrored hers…Complimented hers… Her breath hitched in her throat. She felt her nipples harden under the thin tee-shirt. He stopped and their eyes met. For a second, she couldn't describe the type of quiet intimate conversation they had just standing there. But the moment she breathed in deeply and oxygen filled her lungs she felt physically ill again and Kyle smiled too triumphantly to her taste. Vika turned in panic towards Warren. Did he see that? How can he not see the danger he was putting her in?

 **Back to Black – Amy Winehouse**

Warren had his back to them, his eyes trained on the giant billboard in the corner of the parking. Vika felt her blood run cold as Kyle walked toward them.

She closed her eyes, feeling cornered with memories, the way he touched her, the way they kissed. She wanted to get away from the noises… from the lust… She swallowed hard. She heard children crying in the background, people whispering in a slavic dialect. She fell even deeper into the memory knowing it would harden her heart to the point she would feel nothing. She would do that since she couldn't hold on Warren's hands right now.

 _" Anya is great. She is quiet and clean. She cleans up after everybody. Very sweet-natured child. She is seven. A very suitable age to be adopted… if you ask me."_

 _The couple looked at each other and whispered something Vika will only understand a few years later when she will become fluent in Russian. The man was tall and blond. Vika couldn't help looking at how big his hands were._

 _"She looks a bit rough around the edge." The man said. The woman leaned against him playfully. "Ugly is more like it." She said._

 _The old lady nodded thoughtfully._

 _"I understand. There is no denying the lack of refinement in her features. She is a mixed breed. I have Branka here and Selina. I think these two will be more suitable for you and your husband's tastes. I'm sure they will make beautiful "daughters"."_

 _"No, obedient and accomplished is good, though. It can help a sell. We will have Anya too and the two-year-old in the nursery…Branka and Selina..."_

 _"We should get Branka and Selina to Prima. He is the better choice for this type of merchandise. We will work something out for Anya. A face is something that can be fixed later on… I will call Hendrick. She is a bit young…" The woman said all business._

 _"Yes, surgery can do miracles. It did with you, dear." The man said, making his companion recoil in pain after the unexpected attack on her appearance._

 _The old woman was nervous too._

 _"And this one?" The man asked. He was staring directly at Vika._

 _"She is probably too old for your taste. She is already ten."_

 _"She could work?" The woman asked._

 _"I'm not recommending her."_

 _"She does not lower her gaze. How odd!"_

 _"Vika, stop it! Don't be rude!" The old lady admonished. Vika kept staring back._

 _"She is a troublemaker this one."_

 _"Really?" The woman said._

 _"She is deeply stubborn and you can't honestly tame her. Not even a good beating can fix her behavior. She is spoiled beyond belief and thinks she is above everyone else."_

 _"Spoiled? Where does she come from?"_

 _"The city. The dad I think taught at the university. She was very fancy when she arrived here. Of course, she knows better now than to think she is some kind of fairytale princess. Vika, I said stop it! "_

 _"Her name…"_

 _"Vika Gucic. Soldiers dropped her last year on our doorstep. We did the best we could. "_

 _" Well, well, she is skinny and her skin is clear. I can give her that. I feel she will fit in Paris. Should we send her to Aunt Nadia?"_

 _The man shook his head._

 _" Oh ! I would not recommend you take this one. She eats way too much. That's the only thing she can do. She is lazy to boot. She encourages disobedience among the other children. She is a rotten apple. You don't want this one, trust me."_

 _The couple said nothing, although the man lowered himself to make eye contact with the girl._

 _"Vika… That is not a princess name… or that would be a rebellious princess… A medieval one… skilled in poison and tortures...Is that what you are?"_

 _Vika started drawing again on a piece of paper. She shrugged._

 _"You are not afraid." He said again in Vika's maternal tongue._

 _She stared into his eyes and shook her head slowly._

 _"Why ?"_

 _"I am not afraid of anything."_

 _"That's not true. Everybody is scared of something."_

 _"I know your kind. You will not be a father to the other girls. You're more like a predator and you will destroy them." She simply said._

 _"And you're not afraid?"_

 _She shrugged._

 _"Why?"_

 _"I don't care."_

 _"What if I hurt you…"_

 _"You cannot hurt me. I do not care." She replied firmly._

 _"This heart…" He pointed a long finger at her._

 _"Do not care…"_

 _"Hum hum… Should I believe you? What happened to you? Don't tell me! Now I'm the one who don't care. You want a secret little girl. Only strong-minded people survive in this world. The rest… They are just slaves…"_

 _Vika said nothing._

 _"You will remember what you said to me on this day, right?"_

 _She nodded and he slapped her across the cheeks, sending her flying backwards. The two women behind him gasped. Vika slowly picked herself up, dazed but strangely unaffected. She looked as if nothing happened, wiping a drop of blood on her cheek. She stared at it with fascination._

 _"I want this one." He said._

 _"Ok, if I can't do anything to dissuade you, I will get her ready… Her papers will be in order. She will be ready to fly with the others."_

 _" No, she is coming with me tonight. "_

 _"What?"_

 _The wife seemed confused._

 _"This one… I keep. I will adopt for real…"_

 _" Dimka, you're not serious? You can't be serious? "_

 _"Yuriev… Vika…Yuriev. That's your name now. Are you happy strange little girl? I made you my daughter. I will take you far away from this place. You will get whatever you want. Won't you thank me?"_

 _Open mouth, Vika stared at the blood on her finger, seemingly far away. She looked up finally._

 _"It's so pretty." She said sweetly. "Can I do that to you?"_

 _His laugh was first a bemused snort followed by a deep manly rumble in his chest. Then he was openly laughing out loud._

 _" Oh my, I adore her already! She is such a delight…like a broken doll."_

 _" Dimka…Love…Please, let's think about it together."_

 _" Why are you still standing, Miss Yelchin? Quick, get her ready ! Pasha, send the other girls to the other addresses. Tell our people that more will be coming soon."_

 _Another man stepped into the room and the girls were quickly gathered together._

 _"Alright, Dimka, let's talk about this? What about Pietrov and Danyla?"_

 _"What about them?" He said coldly._

 _She looked uncomfortable, searching her words wisely._

 _"I'm just saying… You promise to get them a dog… not a sister…"_

 _"They will love it. I can't wait to see their faces."_

 _" And the neighbors? They will talk."_

 _"Katarina, my love… Who would believe I am faithful to you darling? Just look at you! Worrying over the smallest thing won't do your flappy skin any good."_

 _The woman bit her trembling lips. Dimka quietly kissed her cheek on his way out. Vika and Katarina stood facing each other._

 _"We have a plane to catch. There's a lot of food in my plane. Won't you like that Vika?" He shouted._

The girl shrugged as she watched the old lady put a couple of dress in a sports bag. She would barely remember her name in the years to come. She already no longer remember how that woman looked since her soul was so dark. She wouldn't remember the stench of that place. The memories, liquid like black ink, collided together in disarray. She was in the back of an SUV, feeling sick. She was on a plane, eating club sandwiches and drinking champagne, feeling sicker. She was way too young. She was on her back, lying on a bed. Vika pressed her eyes together, hoping to make the uneasy feeling go away. She didn't like to go that far back in the memories. At once, she opened her eyes. A strong buzz resonated in her ears as the parking lot noises came back in a rush. She also heard him as he settled behind her.

"You guys are late!" Kyle shouted as he spotted the duo standing close to Warren's car.

Vika barely turned to acknowledge his presence. For the past three months, just like kids would wish to see Santa Claus climbing out of the chimney, she wished Kyle Yeahquo would disappear into a dark hole somewhere. How things got so complicated so fast! She had no idea. How she longed for the time, he was just the name on the wall, the unattainable superstar surgeon. Now, when she looked at him, all she could think was how they had sex in every room of his house.

Kyle leaned on the roof and her shoulder was almost touching his arms, sending all kinds of alarm to her body. Vika suddenly stretched out the way with a frown. Only Warren used to do that to her. Why was he doing that to her? Everything was out of order. Why she would care? Stop caring.

Honestly, Kyle didn't question Vika's strange behavior, in part because he had become so accustomed to it in three months, there was absolutely nothing new here. He wished he could say he learned something about her during this time, other than what he learned that day. But no, she remained a troubling enigma to him, something that still keeps him awake at times. She turned to him and their eyes met again.

Warren was frozen on the spot, his mind rapidly going back and forth. There was a new billboard presiding over the parking lot. Although he was staring at the board with an open-minded willingness, he couldn't understand what was going on these people's minds. He wanted to be the open-minded kind. He took a deep breath. But he didn't take lightly people shitting on his pride and legacy.

Vika, on the other hand, still felt like the wrong kind of fish stuck in the can. On her left, Kyle stood in his favorite magenta scrub suit and sneakers, teasing her with his open smile and everything he was. On her right, Warren stood in his midnight blue business suit with a deep scowl, in his best Guardian of Hell impression. She was still rocking the same clothes as the day before, tight leather pants and a white studded shapeless tank top, sanctifying the inner bum in her. Feeling suddenly self-conscious for no discernable reasons, she crossed her arms over her chest defensively and tried to fill the heavy silence with light-hearted words.

" I don't know…If I like it…I can see what you see… Well, not exactly… I can try…" She stuttered nervously, her hair in their usual disarray. "I don't even think I care... I But obviously you care... and I'm just gonna shut up now... so you can do your thing."

"Warren." Kyle interrupted…

Warren stood silent, taping his left foot twice against the sidewalk. He turned to Vika sharply like he'd just noticed her there.

"You left last night."

"Are we going to discuss that now? Of all time! I thought we settled this. You were being a jerk. I was being a rebellious brat. We were being true to ourselves. What is there left to talk about? We just share a twenty minutes ride in perfect harmony listening to Notorious B.I.G. and Bob Marley. You can't really wanna talk? Really? With him?"

Warren didn't say anything. He couldn't take his eyes from that board. He didn't even notice Kyle there. Something was bothering him. What exactly? He didn't know. Maybe Vika did something…Somebody did something…

Vika shrugged nervously.

"Okay, we need to talk... about him also. I get why you do the things you do. It's because you care. But why on earth are you doing this to me? You never answered this. Why is he following us? " She asked pointing at Kyle, nonchalantly leaning on their car.

"I can hear you. I have a perfect right to follow my resident around knowing it's my responsibility she doesn't screw things up. Not to mention, she is late and in no hurry to start a shift. It's a concern. I have no interest in eavesdropping your lovers' quarrel. But, I can't help being mildly interested in knowing why you left him for New York last night and why did I have to come get you to the airport. Now is a good time as any… "

"Shut up!" Vika groaned.

But when she turned to Warren, he was still unreachable.

"You're serious? Ok, I know you're pissed off. This... is all kind of ... wrong... But you can't take it out on me... You know Reid call me. I had to go. It's not like you wanted me to stay anyway. We discussed this already. Please, don't do this to me."

"Reid? Is it a man or a woman? Your brother? Your sister? Is it a dealer? Your dealer?"

"I said shut up!"

Warren nodded absentmindedly his face neutral. He started to walk again this time toward the end of the parking lot and its giant welcome billboard. Vika ran after him, biting her lips nervously. Kyle shook his head, barely hiding his amusement.

"So this is my punishment or something... He is my punishment. I get it. I just don't think it's fair. "

Warren gave her a look that said it all. Life was all but unfair. He said nothing though and turned his attention at the billboard as he looked at it from a more distant point. He took a picture with his smartphone. Vika frowned.

"It's probably not that bad. That damn billboard is so ridiculously huge we could probably see it from the moon! Who cares?" She said as she stood up next to him.

He said nothing. She could possibly be telling the truth right now but he refused to acknowledge that. It was probably not that bad. Although Vika probably didn't do anything he didn't expect… The situation, out-of-control as it seems, was probably nothing he couldn't deal with. She tilted her head to the left and kept on looking at it just like him. Nope, she couldn't find anything else to say. Vika shrugged. He knew she would set it on fire if only she thought it would make him happy so what she said didn't faze him in the least.

"Ok. Let's try something else? Let's move. I said it. Let's ditch this place and go somewhere..."

Kyle snarled in amusement. She couldn't be serious. Why would they leave?

"I mean there is nothing holding us back here and when I say nothing… I really mean it. "

She glared in Kyle's direction.

Warren raised his hands to shush her. Vika frowned extremely surprised. Did he just shush her? Have Warren lost his damn mind already? At this point, Kyle was openly snickering.

"It's disgusting. Man, I understand. I'm just as angry." Kyle noted standing on Warren's left side. "This cannot be considered an accurate portrayal of the clinic ethics. It's not what we stand for? I mean Foreman really?"

Warren took a sharp intake of breath. That was it. Unbeknownst to the universe, Kyle made a point. Warren grimaced. He needed to keep all his neurons oxygenated for this. The billboard was nothing extravagant. It was even consciously tamed and politically correct. Thanvi played the ethnic smiling nurse and Dr Foreman, the confident white male surgeon. He wanted to punch someone. Warren scratched his head nervously. Stupid and uninspired slogans like "You care about yourself and we do too" and "If you can't be on your feet, we bring you home." were written in a bold pink. "Most talked about Medical Center brought to you by The Pegasus group" was the final statement. Warren clenched his jaw together in order to keep the sudden wave of nausea in check. He crushed the coffee plastic cup in his hand and threw it in the trash nearby in one single shot. He then silently walked away.

"It's not good." Vika bit her lips nervously.

"I thought it went well. He is taking it a lot better than I would."

"You really have two doctorates. Tell me you only pretend to be clueless to blend in?" She snapped.

"Well, what did you expect? They went and did that behind his back. The man is understandably upset. We all are. But he will be fine. "

"He said something then he said nothing. He said nothing at all. I went to Reid and he said nothing about it. That's so…Well, he did say something in the car… and then he said nothing…"

"Who is Reid?"

"Well-done. None of your business."

" I don't care for your dirty secrets, Mistress Libertine. But Warren will be fine. Men don't talk when their egos have been crushed. They just shitted on that poor man's brand. Did they just say "brought to you by the Pegasus Group? And yes, I only pretend to be clueless so people can focus on my incredible good looks. You should know."

For a minute, she was at a loss for words. She hated his smug smile.

"You're not cute."

"I did not say I was. I said I was good-looking. You're the one who brought the "cuteness" factor. I can't be cute. I'm a man. Ask Warren what that means, little girl."

"So, you think it's a caveman thing. You obviously don't know him like I do."

"Obviously I don't." Kyle agreed with a nod. "Foreman was a terrible choice. He can't do a thoracotomy right. I should have been on that board."

"Clueless. I stand by my previous statement. The board itself was a terrible idea. It sent a poor message of desperation. It looks cheap. It destroys the image of the crème of the crop elite program Warren invested his blood and sweat this past decade. As a result, he probably wants to burn the place. I know because that's what I would do."

"Bless all the spirits elements; you're not the chief," Kyle said.

"You're quoting. Avatar: the Last Airbender now. Do you ever grow up?"

"Still, you catch my drift. You're a pop culture nerd. You don't need to hide it. It's endearing to say the least. I can picture you with your glasses. Yes, I checked your application. You do wear lenses. I'm practically sure that those prescription glasses exist somewhere...probably in your underwear drawer."

Vika opened her mouth to protest. But then remembering she did own two ugly pairs of glasses, she hid under her socks. He was not far from the truth. She rolled her eyes instead.

"He's going to fire someone today is all I'm saying. It's evident he is not all there. You should be worried." Vika said.

"I am the face and the soul of this hospital. It should have definitely been me. My face should have been on that board. If it's a money problem, I'd give them a discount for it." Kyle continued as he stretched his tall limbs.

They entered the interior courtyard following in Warren's footsteps. The elevator stopped in front of the chief of staff. Upon seeing him, the people inside the crater crawled out of his way so he could ride alone. Vika pushed Kyle gently back as he was feeling like getting on that elevator.

"See, smart people with probably real degrees over there. You, I can't believe how you got here sometimes? You don't have instinct."

"You think you do? You let your boyfriend down to flee to New York with a guy or girl named Reid. That's rude. That poor man probably loves you like crazy. You broke his heart before that billboard ever entered his viewpoint. He is a mess because of you. I know what that feels like."

"You don't know anything. You're an idiot."

Kyle shrugged as he looked up the lights flickering in one of the neon tubes.

"I don't see it. He is mediocre on his best days. I am so above this. They're screwing with me too. Screwing with my brand. I'm the new director of residency. Foreman... Foreman is a nobody. I mean he is not even his wife's first choice. Why would he be theirs? Are they stupid? I need to publish something. We need to publish something... Do something spectacular... again... "

"You just published Jordan Jenkins's progress and I did all the work… You got all the credit."

"That's right. It was really well done. I got a few interviews out of the few pages you wrote. I was invited on OWN. Pretty efficient. You're a perfectionist. I like that. We're gonna make a good team, Vika. I feel it."

"Perfectionist I need to be when I put my name on something…"

"I love your pretty sentences filled with fake hope and bold enthusiasm and a tiny bit of narcissism. Just perfect. "

"I was just trying to copy your pretentious pompous style."

"Well done."

"You hate me."

"You broke my heart once of course I hate you. Warren probably hates you too. He is just much more polite than me about it." Kyle said.

"You don't know Warren."

"Who would choose this guy over me? He is balding. I'm a walking billboard." He started musing again.

"You're an ethnically ambiguous walking billboard. They would not pick you." Vika said.

"How racist!"

"I'm just saying that's how these marketing nerds think."

"That's discrimination when only my live matter. I'm the best around here. They should have picked me."

"You're being silly !"

"You're mean and unsupportive."

"You're being immature again, Dr. Yeahquo. Grow up."

"You will be checking on all my post-ops today while I'm busy growing up. I just decided it won't work for me today. I will play video games instead. Studies showed it helped...with the growth of cognitive skills. Good luck curing cancer without this ethnically ambiguous walking billboard, Lady Libertine!"

"Don't be retarded? You do 15 different patients a day seven days a week. Sometimes, you have like fifty people in there. I already have 4 major cases open. I need to have a serious talk with Warren. When will I have the time?"

"I don't care just like you don't care about my feelings, Vika. If you're not happy, you can still get out of the program. Oh, I'm sorry, that's not an option! " Kyle said as he walked away taking the stairs.

Men. They were such big babies. Vika sighed deeply.

"Oh screw it! I'm going home! " She shouted.

The whole hallway turned at her outburst.

"What? What are you looking at?" She barked.

In effect, they were not looking at her but at the large helicopter landing on the tarmac outside. Landing Emergency Helicopters weren't so surprising. It was even pretty common a situation at the level 1 trauma center. But the midnight blue private Helicopter stood out for none other reason than Vika recognized the logo on its tail immediately. It reads FSK. Oh, this day couldn't get any better!


	9. The opening of crappy gifts

-10-

The will or the opening of crappy gifts...

 **Summertime Sadness - Lana Del Rey**

Bad things do happen. But a gift is a gift. How grateful and graceful you can be when receiving the shittiest and stupidest of gifts will define how successful you are at this little survivor game called life. You can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, frozen, mourning for your loss, or you can choose to gather your doubts, fears, and insecurities, and make something beautiful out of it. Yes, make Lemonade of crappy gifts. That's the spirit.

Jackson clasped his hands together. Maybe he was an awful man. He never liked the pit that much. It was mostly filled with her presence. But right now, he was hopeful he could escape his own misery around here, surrounded by all the memories of April. All he wanted was a big case to clear his head of any unconstructive thoughts and that should do the trick.

"Let's find us a big case."

Stephanie laughed. It was just the way he said it. There was just enough of old Jackson in his voice to make this statement humorous.

"Anything that requires a scalpel really..." She looked at Jackson. He was suddenly silent. She followed his gaze. Her eyes widened in surprise.

"Is that?"

Jackson broke into a huge artificial smile.

"We just found ourselves a case."

Stephanie nodded. It wasn't just a case. It was a very impressive case, sporting the mother of God of all black eyes and broken noses. She swallowed anxiously, afraid to move. This was too good to be true. The patient was a mountain of a man dressed in a kimono. On the other side, they found Owen actively working on a red-haired whose face was also unrecognizable at the moment.

Jackson's toothy grin only widened.

"What do we have?"

Owen turned to them as he grabbed a protective blouse.

"A fight broke out at the airport between two professional fighters. Results, I have a Glasgow at 5 for this one."

"A fight?" Stephanie asked.

"Meet Terry McGillis. "

"You're kidding me? This is " The McKnuckles" in the flesh?"

"Another Mcsomething I should know about," Stephanie asked. She thought she had become quite the expert in all things "McSomething" thanks to Grey!

She took a deeper look at the man. No, he was no McSomething at the moment.

"This guy crushes skulls for a living. He is one of the biggest names in Vegas right now."

"What?"

"He is a professional boxer. One of the best out there."

Stephanie pouted.

"We dated. How come I never knew you that you like boxing?!"

Owen and Jackson exchanged knowing glances. This was a perfect case where women were sorely lacking in intuition. Almost every guy appreciated a good mayhem from now and then.

"Well, this time, he is the one with the crushed skull. I ordered a radio CT and a neuro consult but the reason I paged you… is here. I also paged Grey to help but seemed like she is a bit tied up somewhere else."

Owen pushed another curtain on the other side of the bed. Stephanie's eyes widened in awe. The man was lying in a giant bed.

"Meet Tetsuo Katsuyoshi, one of the biggest wrestlers in the world. What I mean by "biggest" wrestler… He is a sumo… A very famous one."

Jackson's eyes sparkled with interest. The man could easily weight over 400 pounds.

"A sumo for real?"

"He is not simply a sumo. He is a legend." A stern voice cut him.

Jackson spun to face a petite brunette.

"My husband is a Yokozuna. He is the ultimate champion. He is a national treasure. I want this man arrested for assaulting him."

"You must be…"

"I am Azula Katsuyoshi. My husband was only trying to defend himself against this pest. He is a good man. So I need you to take off the cuffs. This is incredibly degrading. If the journalists from our country heard about it? His reputation? His honor? Do you even know who he is?"

"I am sorry…Mrs. Katsuyoshi. It is the protocol when we have to attend to people involved in a brawl. We're not trying to take sides. The police will open its own investigation soon. We will sort this out, I promise. "Owen explained before he left to get back to the other patient.

"He did nothing wrong. This man was so rude and kept teasing us throughout the entire flight. My husband is very disciplined. He is quiet and full of poise. But he had enough… The disrespect ran like a wound too deep."

"Jackson…"

Jackson was examining Tetsuo, trying to raise him from his slumber. He frowned. His lips had turned a strange purplish color.

"Mr. Katsuyoshi? Sir?"

"He fell asleep a minute ago… He just told me he was tired. He was really tired after the flight… And this man kept cackling and laughing… make baseless and vulgar jokes. Tetsuo was really angry. It was…"

"He is not responding," Stephanie said. "I can barely feel a pulse."

"What?"

"We think your husband is in respiratory distress," Jackson said.

"What?"

"He is currently in need of oxygen. We will need to intubate him. He might not be able to talk for awhile."

"No! Please! Help him! No!"

"Mrs. Katsuyoshi…I think you need to wait outside."

"Baby…Oh, Koibito! Please help him! He is my life! Please, my love! He just said he wanted to rest! I am sorry! I didn't know! What did he do to my husband?!"

Stephanie saw Grumpy, one of her idiotic intern and call for him.

"Douglas, you take Mrs. Katsuyoshi to the waiting room."

"But I was following a case with Dr. Wilson!"

"Do I look like I care? Help this woman now. We're going to take care of your husband, Mrs. Katsuyoshi. We will do our best. I promise." Stephanie snapped.

Douglas nodded quickly and led the wife away.

"I'm trying to intubate. It's not coming through. His airways are shut so tight. He is so large... I don't have a good enough angle... or a good grip. He needs surgery."

"Close the curtain behind you."

Stephanie grabbed the command of the hospital bed. With metallic whistle it leaned horizontally. She pushed herself on her tiptoes and climbed on the bed over the patient, preparing his neck for a tracheotomy.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm a practitioner of my own school of martial arts. Improvisation is one of the biggest lessons I have to learn with my masters Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd. Take notes, Jackson."

A smile spread on his face. God! He missed this. The atmosphere, the adrenaline rush… It was almost as if he was back to being himself.

"What does that even mean?"

"I'm currently….walking on…water."

"You're not going to do that here, Edwards? We need to take him to surgery."

"We don't have the time."

" You're not doing it like that… What if his chest collapsed?"

"I'm not resting on his chest." She was right. She was not resting on the patient at all. Instead, she was resting solely on the plastic covered iron railings of the bed and it was a rather acrobatic pose.

"At least, I'm the attending…"

" I'm starting to cut…"

Jackson watched her cut and his mouth opened in awe. Her fingers were so steady. When had Edwards turned into this badass super surgeon? When did that happen?

" She's doing it." Is all he could mutter in awe.

"Pass me the tube."

He did as he was told and watch the level of oxygen pressure rise steadily on the EKG.

"Good save. I think he needs a CT too."

He helped her climb down graciously.

"Told you it will work. Feels good, doesn't it? Feels good to be back."

For a minute, it was not a lie. It really did feel good to be back. But then, Stephanie's enthusiasm reminded him of April just before the boards. The adrenaline was the same even if the outcome did vary greatly. That memory alone sent a rush of blood straight to his brains. He felt a headache coming. Stephanie was writing his charts. Jackson closed his eyes and sighed.

"We are gathered together to open, Dr. Derek Christopher Shepherd's last will in the presence of his wife Dr. Meredith Grey Shepherd, his mother Carolyn Shepherd, his four sisters Dr. Kathleen Shepherd-Dallas, Dr. Nancy Shepherd-Bronson, Dr. Liz Shepherd-Bergman and Dr. Amelia Shepherd. Not in attendance but also named in Dr. Derek Shepherd's will are his children, Zola Kennedy Shepherd, Derek Bailey Shepherd and Ellis Cristina Shepherd. All three minors are represented by their mother Dr. Meredith Grey Shepherd. His ex-wife, Dr. Addison Montgomery Shepherd is not in attendance and has declined representation despite being named in the will."

Meredith did not really listen as the lawyer listed Derek's long list of assets. Some of which she honestly never heard about. She didn't know about Addison and Derek's vacation home in Long Island. Well, it's not true she knew about it. She just didn't know that it was never sold because neither found an agreement on who should really keep it. Derek wanted Addison to have it. But Addison changed her mind and… She wanted Derek to have it since she wanted to take the blame for their divorce. It went on and on. Finally, Derek made it possible for Addison to inherit his share of the house in his testament. Derek also had a collection of watches Bailey inherited. He had set a special bank account for his mother with a hundred thousand dollars. The sisters each inherited something special from him, Nancy, for example, whose husband was apparently the outdoor type, inherited all his fishing equipment and Meredith had to deliver them to her, that promised to be an awkward conversation when Meredith will have to explain that she gave Owen and Alex first dibs on everything and Red Cross everything else.

Meredith took a look at her watch. Minutes passed by so slowly. They've only been here twenty minutes. She played with her wedding ring anxiously. For various reasons, she'd stopped wearing it since that day in the cemetery. But since she heard the four sisters from Hell and their sweet mother would be in town, she thought she would make an effort to appear more widow-y as to not hurt all sensitivity. At least she tried, huh? She was surprised upon putting it back on to discover that either she lost some weight, either her fingers became just less engorged from her last pregnancy, it just didn't want to stay on.

The house and the land upon which it had been built went to her. Crappy gift and all! He had a 100 000 $ life insurance for his nephews and nieces and another 3 000 000 $ for the children in various trusts. He gave fifty thousand dollars to various charities. Allan continued on and on. It was an endless list of accounts and Meredith realized that Cristina may have been right. She was indeed a rich widow. How rock and roll! Again, Derek was saving her, taking care of her from the grave, telling her it was just okay to be her careless and clueless self. The kids would be just fine. He made sure of that. Somehow it was just as sobering a thought as it was an annoying one. At last, Derek even designated the firm as co-executor of the will in order to help Meredith manage the estate. Carolyn nodded and Allan smiled at that, both visibly satisfied with this outcome. That her stepmother didn't trust her to take care of her own kids was one thing. But that her own lawyer was judging her not totally fit to the tasks when they've barely known each other. She was fighting a sudden wave of nausea. What the hell was all this about? When did he decide to plan their entire life in case he couldn't be there?

"Dr. Grey...you have a question..."

"When... No, forget it, it's nothing. Please continue..."

She couldn't let it bother her. This was indeed nothing. It was too ridiculous. This could have happened with or without her since it was his will. She barely had a thing to say about it. In fact, her only concern was the fact that this show was taking too long. She didn't believe she took an entire day off for that. Did Derek really intend to gather them all together and kill them all from boredom? There was no way he didn't know this would happen. She wanted to laugh out loud at the thought and that's exactly what she did.

" Dr. Grey-Shepherd… I'm sorry … Is there something?"

"No, go ahead. Continue! Let's be done with this. But, is it going to be long?"

"Well, Dr. Shepherd had left pretty specific instructions. He was very thorough."

"I trust you. Wow! I bet he wanted this to happen. Don't mind me then! I'm just going to go get a coffee. I mean obviously, Derek knew I wouldn't make it through the entire meeting. He's probably teasing all of us from the grave. Please continue… It's all gibberish to me anyway."

Meredith got up and followed the sign to the vendor machines. She was waiting when a sexy twenty-something in a gray suit stopped behind her.

"Are you new? I remember my first day around here. Quite intimidating!"

Meredith blinked twice.

"No, sorry…I'm just attending a meeting."

"Oh, I thought we've been blessed since a new pretty face is just what we need around here…"

"Oh, so this... was a pickup line… It's… not a very good one." Meredith noted dead-pan.

"It's not really what it looks like….I mean..."

"Also, another pick-up line… Captivating his audience is not part of what a lawyer should know how to do?"

"You are tough… So, you're a client…"

"Yes, my husband was. We're currently opening his will."

"Oh, so he is…"

"Deceased. Yes…"

"I'm so sorry…"

"It's okay… So… I have a dead husband and three children very much alive. I don't date. I don't have the time. I'm a surgeon. On the other hand, I do one night stands. I'm not really into having a relationship right now. Do you still want my number?"

"I… I…"

"I don't really feel comfortable with people with hesitations. It reminds me of interns. It freaks me out. Sorry…"

She turned back to the vending machine and ordered an expresso.

"Oh okay…" The young man stood at a loss of words. He suddenly paled as another man stopped behind them.

"Glendale?"

"Sir…"

"I thought I asked for the provisional report on the Oliphant case to be on my desk this morning."

"It's coming right up, sir. I got the numbers only this morning. I'm analyzing it as..."

Brandt didn't say anything but simply stare. It only took a brief fifteen seconds for his subordinate to catch the heat of that gaze and scrammed.

Meredith suppressed a smile in amusement.

"I like your technique. Very subtle. It's very similar to our teaching methods. We have things in common."

"We do. So, you're back in the dating pool, Dr. Grey?"

"Interested?"

"Not really. You're not my type."

"A lawyer who tells the truth… How refreshing! But maybe not… I saw the way you look at me."

"You have no shame."

"Why should I feel ashamed? You're the one trying to seduce your deceased client's wife. I thought he was your friend in college. I was moved by your story just like Carolyn."

" It was a long time ago... "

"I see..."

"Listen, I'm not denying I would in other circumstances. Let's say... A dinner. My place. I love cooking. No movies. I hate movies. It bores me. I'm sure it bores you too. See, this could have happened in other circumstances. However, even you couldn't miss the unequivocal statement. You would have known. I'm very straightforward just like you. No, right now let's just say you piqued my professional interest."

"You use big words. I like that."

"But I'm not trying to seduce you…"

Meredith smiled even wider. She was enjoying this way too much.

"I like that too. So, you're trying to sell me something then?"

" I... was… not… I'm… Well... Why don't you follow me in my office, Dr. Grey?"

"I don't trust you enough."

"My name is on that wall."

"That makes you even less trustworthy in my book," Meredith whispered.

"In your book? What kind of book is that? You were about to give your number to a young junior associate barely out of school."

"He was cute like a panda."

"And we were about to have sex back in my place after a nice dinner if only I'd asked. "

"That's just if I had said yes."

"I know you would have said yes."

"Well, it was just for sex… Very few needs I attend to properly these days. Sex is one of them." She shrugged with a sigh.

"Are you trying to seduce me, Dr. Grey? "

She grimaced.

"Not really... You're really not my type."

"Who's your type?"

"Derek Shepherd, my infuriating know-it-all shiny dead husband."

" I see."

Meredith started to walk away.

"I really need to talk to you... I mean...Do you always do that?"

"What?"

"Distract people... I was about to say something really important to you. And now all I want to do is..." He didn't finish his thoughts.

"What?"

He couldn't say it.

" Are you blushing?" She slowly turned toward him.

" You're doing it again."

"Me? I was not aware I was doing anything to distract you or make you blush on purpose. I think it's cute. Tell me it's about my new haircut. I told her not to cut it so short. " She teased again.

His smile turned into a toothy grin. She was incorrigible.

"It's about money. You may lose or win a lot of money today, depending on whether or not you listen to me."

"Thanks anyway ... but doesn't look like my thoughtful husband left me or our children in needs. We do not have needs on that front. In fact, we have very small needs. We are small people with small needs. Allan is really competent. He deserves a raise. I should get back in there. "

"We really need to discuss your shares of the Seattle Grey Sloan Memorial."

Meredith stopped in her tracks.

"What?"

"We really need to talk… Before today ends, you may lose your hospital entirely."

Meredith frowned, clearly intrigued. But her pager went off and it was from the hospital. She got on her cell phone, walking away from Brandt.

"It's Dr. Meredith Grey. You just paged me. What? Who? What? I'm on my way."

"I'm sorry. It's an emergency. This will have to wait. Can you represent me or something?"

"Dr. Grey, I don't think you understand how all this works."

Meredith answered as she texted.

"You're right. I probably don't. This is all gibberish to me anyway. The only thing I know for sure these days is my husband is dead... and I am a surgeon and a mother. That's all I know for real. The rest I can barely manage. My husband's family ?! They hate me anyway... The fact I'm there or not won't change anything. If they're not satisfied with the will, give them whatever they want."

She left him to run to the elevator.

"You're not even going to tell them you're going?

"They will figure it out. They are a bunch of mean doctors just like me. They know where to find me. Give them whatever they want!"

Meredith got in the elevator. But at the last minute, she stopped the doors with both hands.

" Oh! Oh! No! No! Not the house! The house is my crappy gift I will pass along to our kids. I refused to let that lunatic live her fairytale life with my best friend's husband in my house! The house is off-limit! Thanks. Let's meet another time."

"Hello, stranger!" Alex recognized Jo's voice behind him and leaned as she kissed him on his cheek briefly.

"Hello, beautiful!"

"We are so charming. We're like a couple from a sitcom. " They kissed again.

"Did you just compare our lives to a sitcom? I need details. You're on a case."

" I'm on a Pectus Excavatum with Torres. I'm on my way to book the CT room."

"One of the interns couldn't do that?"

"I'm in a terrific mood. I left Deluca babysitting the patient. "

"Yes, how old?"

"He is a 24 years old, with a passion for extreme sports. He dreams of becoming a free rider. Even with the surgery, he probably won't. I can't imagine living twenty-four years of my life like that. Wanting to do something... but not able to do it… This guy is a survivor."

Alex nodded as he continued to sign his charts.

"I bet you've never seen one?" Jo said.

"What?"

"A Pectus Excavatum."

"Sorry to disappoint. In my final days as a resident, I had one. A teenager. Meredith and I had to go rogue on an attending because he developed a few complications after the surgery. The kid is off to college now."

"Meredith and you?"

Alex nodded.

"Yes. It was incredibly risky but it paid off. The kid was saved thanks to us. Not that you should ever go rogue on your attending on purpose! Ever! I mean except if your attending is a tool and a kid's life is in danger... and your best friend is crazy enough to help you...pull off a one-of-a-lifetime crazy stunt! If you don't have all these three things together, you can either forget it or kiss your job goodbye. This is a much-needed piece of wisdom I wish they gave me at the time."

Jo stood silently.

"What? Did I say something?"

Jo shrugged.

"No. It's cool that you have so many memories with Dr. Grey. You've been friends for a long time. You guys did everything together... "

"Well, it was just Mer, Cristina, O'Malley and... Well... We had no choice but to get along eventually. I'm sure you also made some memories with Stephanie I bet. When you are a surgical resident, you're like a member of a strange fellowship. Weird but true. Now I'm quoting Pierce, that Fantasy nerd! Something is wrong with me. I need breakfast pizza."

"I was thinking that you sounded like Webber just now and it's much much worse... And too late. I ate everything. You have no luck."

"I see. I have to go anyway. Rounds... I have to go terrify some first-year interns now. Sorry for the old man's speech, it just brought me back a few years, that's all. "

" My boyfriend, the chief of pediatrics! How is being chief in Arizona's absence feel like? "

" Great! I feel like a tool. I suffer from impostor syndrome. I don't have time to see my patients. Interns hate me. Nurses hate me... I think I'm getting the hang of this."

"You forgot something."

"What?"

"Your girlfriend hates you for not being around as much."

"My girlfriend is too busy being a kickass surgeon with a Pectus Excavatum to have time to hate me. That I trust!"

Jo's face broke into a smile.

"Right. You always know what to say."

She kissed him again.

"I'm sorry I didn't leave any breakfast pizza for you. That won't happen again. That you can trust!"

He kissed her back before he left. This was the stuff fairy tales were made off, Jo mused. She was in a happy fulfilling relationship. No more stupid arguments... They were doing good and... She watched as Stephanie ride a gigantic hospital bed out of the pit, with Jackson beside her. What was that about? Jo frowned.

"Why wasn't this situation brought to our attention sooner?" Catherine was sitting in one of the board director's chair. Richard was strategically posted near the door.

"Well, you were the one who suggested that we cut deep into the budget?" Miranda said, currently standing too close to Catherine for comfort. If icy stares could kill, she'd be dead right now.

Catherine frowned.

"What does that have to do with anything, Bailey? Aren't you the chief?"

"I'm just saying, Catherine. You were the one making big difficult decisions last year. You..., not me..."

"Richard, I hate guessing games. What is she trying to say?" Catherine snapped.

"I've only known for three days myself and you know why? Because Charline Preston, our head of the administrative office had been on maternity leave for six months now and she had not been replaced. Your decision. So three days is all I had to verify that this nightmare was real."

"Three days."

"Catherine..." Richard stammered. "You both..."

"Richard, shut up! I gave you this job, Bailey. You just had one job."

"Hell no! You didn't give me this job. In fact, if I remembered things correctly, Dr. Avery. You did all that was in your power to not give me this job!"

"I was right like always! You were not ready for such responsibilities."

"You don't want to finish that sentence, Dr. Avery."

Catherine raised a defying eyebrow at that. She got up slowly out of that chair with the precision of a bear not in a mood for a belly scratch.

"You singlehandedly brought this hospital to its knees in three months. Congratulations Dr. Bailey!"

"You didn't just...say..."

"Bailey, Catherine...Please!"

"You never liked me. You never trusted me. You never wanted me to be chief."

"So what? You decided to prove me right... You didn't have to work so hard."

"Catherine, you're not helping."

"You know what would have helped this situation, Richard. Me knowing about this mess sooner so I could clean it up like always. That's all I seemed to do anyway. I clean everybody's mess. This one, had I known sooner, would have made no exception. But now we have until midnight to sort this impossible conundrum out. Because tomorrow we may have to close shop. That's on you, Dr. Bailey."

"Oh no, that's not on me... Out of curiosity, would you handle this the same way you handle April Kepner!"

"Miranda!"

"What did you just say..."

"Hashtag # IsaidwhatIsaid." Miranda muttered."

"I want your resignation before the end of the day."

"Catherine..."

"I will not resign... You will have to do your dirty job yourself."

"Then you're fired."

"You can't fire me. I work for the board. Not for you."

" I don't know if you've noticed lately but I am the board."

"No, that's the root of our problem. Meredith Grey right now is the board. Not you, my dear! Not me! Just Her! This show she runs... It's better to remember that."

"How dare you..."

"Enough! Enough! Enough! The both of you! This is ridiculous. We are arguing over the pettiest things. The situation is rather serious but I can't believe it is the end of the world! Anyway, we certainly don't need to spend our time arguing over it. What we need to do is gather together and find a solution. This is... the job if I REMEMBER CORRECTLY! NOW, YOU WILL BOTH SIT DOWN AND WE WILL GO OVER THE SITUATION AGAIN TOGETHER!"

Miranda crossed her arms over her chest and sat down quietly. But Catherine, however, hadn't said her last words.

"Richard, be reasonable..."

" I SAID SIT DOWN."

Catherine plopped herself back dejectedly in her chair. She glared at him. Richard sighed.

"Did someone talked to Meredith already? This is the priority. She needs to know."

Catherine and Miranda exchanged knowing glances, perfectly aware that this could be the hardest part. One thing was clear. Neither Catherine nor Miranda wanted to do this.


End file.
